Recreating Liimu

Distance Running and Weight Loss

2011-10-26T13:29:00.003-04:00

First, let me apologize for getting your hopes up if you ended up at my blog after googling "distance running and weight loss." Truth is, my experience has been that distance running alone does not lead to weight loss. It leads to increased hunger and a false sense of security, which if I'm not careful, results in weight gain rather than loss.

My connection between distance running and weight loss has more to do with how similar the journeys are. I was running 8 miles this past Sunday, admiring the beautiful trail, adorned with trees of the many colors of the changing leaves, the sounds of the Wissahickon as it babbled alongside me as I ran. I had a momentary tug to try to run faster, get a better overall time, which I quickly dismissed. I have learned over the years of distance running that if I run a pace that's too fast for me I will quickly get discouraged and either need to stop or at best, feel like I'm struggling through the entire run. If I get the pace right, I feel like I could run forever. And at the end of the run, I have the same sense of satisfaction from having completed the run. Moreover, I often find that my pace is almost exactly the same as it would have been if I'd pushed it harder.

I realized as I jogged along that my weight loss journey is very much the same. If I go at too fast a pace (3-4 pounds a week), I have an unrealistic expectation that I should be able to maintain that pace and then when I can't I get discouraged and stop. The whole point is to finish the journey - to get to my goal weight - and I'll get there faster overall if I just pick a reasonable pace that I can sustain and just keep going no matter what. Pick it up when I hit a downhill slope (maybe when I'm feeling high energy and there are no holidays or birthday parties to deal with) and hunker down and really focus when I'm facing an uphill climb (like this next couple of months).

Anyway, it's really helping me to feel good about my 1-2 pound a week weight loss. In fact, the more reasonable the pace of my weight loss, the more encouraged I become because I know it means I'm doing things in a healthy way that's sustainable for the long haul. I know that I will get there if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

No More Facebook...

2011-10-03T15:06:00.003-04:00

I was working out with my sister and she told me that one of her friends had seen on Facebook that I was "struggling with my weight." I am a firm believer in the law of attraction and so have decided to things as a result of this new information being brought to my attention:

1) I'm not gonna link my blog to Facebook anymore, since people can take one or two posts out of context and come to conclusions that may not support my overall goal of manifesting my fabulous body (shown right).

2) I'm going to spend more, if not all, of my time on here talking about where I want to be and the parts of where I am that I'm happy about, rather than lamenting the parts of my current situation that frustrate me.

Last weekend was a sugary blur and I'm not going to lie - I LOVED it. I had tons of fun with the girls at Giggleberry Fair in Peddler's Village, at the Cape May Zoo, in Wildwood, and just hanging out at home playing Monopoly. That being said, I didn't feel physically as good as I do when I'm eating healthy so I'm glad to be back to eating healthy.

Onward, healthy soldiers!!

Running in the Rain

2011-10-02T07:30:00.004-04:00

It's raining. I have a six-mile run on my training plan for today and it's raining. Not only is it raining, the trail where I love to do my long runs is bound to be muddy and gross. But I will run it.

There's no guarantee that race day will be sunny and dry, so that is reason enough to get my fanny out there and run. But even more than that, I have learned to stay my course regardless of whether the sun shines or the rain pours down. When I ran the Philadelphia Marathon in 2005, I trained in the cold, the wet, the sunny, even the dark if I had to in order to get my training runs in. As a result, when race day brought sun and unseasonably warm weather for a November morning, I was more than prepared and ran a strong 5:25, stopping only once to pee.

My weight loss journey is much like training for a marathon. No matter what, I will stay the course. Having a positive attitude and strong faith through will only make it easier to make healthy choices on the days when I wake up on the right side of the bed and will keep me committed on the days when I don't.

I just have to keep going, keep running, keep moving forward... rain or shine.

Great Expectations

2011-09-24T21:07:00.004-04:00

The positive side of having lost a ton of weight before (a time or two) is that I know I can do it, I know how to do it, and I can hold on to that knowledge and it can fuel me to keep going because if I just have faith, I will get to my goal. I've done it before, after all. The not-so-positive side is that it leaves me with expectations - expectations of how fast the weight should come off, what I should be able to do physically, what I should be able to get away with, etc. Then, when those expectations are not met, I start to get frustrated or even lose faith.

I have mentioned before that I really need to put my scale away. With these expectations weighing down on me, I cannot afford to be monitoring the daily ups and downs that likely have more to do with water retention and hormonal swings than any actual effort on my part. And truthfully, when I am monitoring only things like my energy level and how my clothes are fitting, I am pretty pleased.

So, my commitment for the coming week has less to do with how intense my workouts are and how much I'm eating and everything to do with staying positive and keeping my expectations reasonable.

Six mile run tomorrow - time to turn it in!!

Week 2 - Navigating Rocky Terrain

2011-09-20T13:18:00.003-04:00

Week 2 begins with obstacles. Sunday was great – I ran my five miles, albeit slowly, and ate about 95% clean the entire day, despite the fact that it was my daughter’s birthday and it is a tradition in our house to start with donuts and end with cake. (I put a donut in the freezer, because I WILL eat what I want while on this diet, I just won’t eat it very often.)

Then on Monday, I had a scheduled meeting about two hours from my house that began at 10:30 am. I figured I would just find time in the afternoon to work out. How frustrated was I, then, when upon exiting, I discovered that security had lost my license? They asked me to check again in my wallet and with slight annoyance, I did and told them it was not there. Two hours later, my colleage said he would continue to work on it and I should go home. Exhausted and frustrated, I went right to Old Navy to buy a new pair of jeans (size 16 – finally!) rather than to the gym. When I got there, I figured I should re-sign the back of my credit card since I wouldn’t have my license to use as ID. There, staring up at me from within my wallet I was mortified to find…my license. Thank goodness I wasn’t bitchy to the security guard.

Today, I had a meeting that I was told started at 8 am, an hour from my house, so I was on the road at 7. Again, no time to work out, and I won’t get home until 6 pm. Apparently, that was a soft start because several people arrived between 8:30 and 9 and we didn’t actually start till 9:15. I suppose I can get up early tomorrow and workout. Definitely Thursday and Friday, for sure.

I am very pleased to say that I have done two things very, very well this week.

(1) I have brought food with me both days so my food has been crazy clean.
(2) I have kept up with my water – I am currently on liter #3 today, and yesterday I have about 3.5 liters.

The other thing I’ve been doing very, very well is that I’ve been listening to meditations that support this process. My goal is to keep my attitude, thoughts and words all very positive. It helped to find that I was a solid size 16 yesterday, down from a size 20 after the baby was born. I am doing a 12-week weight loss challenge on Facebook and my hope is that I will be a solid size 14 by the time it is over in early December, with even some size 12s fitting here and there.
The family is fairly supportive. The girls constantly tell me how beautiful I am, which certainly feeds my desire to think positively. I think it’s also a really good example for them, especially because I refuse to say I’m on a diet. On my daughter’s birthday, I said, “I’m just taking a break from junk food for awhile so that I can get back to the size I was before Max was born. I’ll be able to have snacks here and there, but I don’t have to have them right now. I’ll definitely have a piece of cake on Max’s birthday.” (That’s in March of 2012.) My husband continues to eat the way he wants (he had red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory on Saturday night. God was good to me – they were out of Linda’s Fudge Cake, which is what the birthday girl wanted). Last night, however, he had a turkey burger and opted to forego the bun. Not from anything I said, but I like to think that maybe he’s following my lead.

Here’s the thing. I have had people suggest in the past that I clean my house of all junk food, both to make it easier on me and to encourage my kids to not eat junk, ever. Personally, I don’t think that’s realistic. Junk is everywhere. It just is. I would like my kids to feel like they can have it from time to time and still be healthy, active and overall in good shape. I also don’t want to be sheltering them from it – I want them to know how to have it in moderation, how to increase their activity to counterbalance it, or how to have it one day and not the next. It seems to be working.

The girls have an account in their cafeteria and the first year they were there, I randomly monitored it and found that not only were they abusing it – ordering chips, rice krispie treats, ice cream every day, even an extra lunch one day that was eaten in favor of the one we had sent with them to school, which was deposited in the trash! We had a sit down and a conversation about it and I explained to them the importance of eating healthy and said that if they needed more snacks, I’d be happy to pack something. They said that would be good and I did pack them each two snacks every day – one healthy, one not as healthy (e.g., string cheese and a bag of baked Doritos).

Last week, I got a notice from the school that their accounts were low. I thought they had high balances at the end of last year, so I got worried. When I went in to check, how thrilled was I to find that all they’d been ordering was milk to go with the lunches we’d sent them? My honest opinion is that they are making healthy choices because they are armed with the right information and given the freedom to make choices. Plus, they are not forbidden anything, they are just encouraged to make good ones. So heartwarming to see.

So, I will just keep being the best possible example to them for how to make healthy choices with regard to eating right and exercising, not to mention staying positive. Esther Hicks/Abraham says to be appreciative of what is happening now and eagerly anticipate what’s yet to come. Learning the lesson of not speaking negatively about myself even before I lose this 40-50 pounds is so important. I do not want to teach my girls to be self-critical. I want to teach them to love themselves and always seek to be the best selves they can be. I intend to do the same!

Scale Madness

2011-09-18T21:47:00.003-04:00

So, it looks like I'm going to have to go cold turkey off my scale. I have to ask my husband to hide it in order not to be tempted to weigh every day. Sad, but true. And I guess it could be worse - I could be unable to stop stuffing my face with sugary nonsense. Truthfully, I've done a pretty good job staying away from the sweet stuff - especially considering this was my daughter's birthday weekend - and I'm figuring that's probably more important in the long run when it comes to shaving off poundage.

That being said, this past weekend I definitely found myself facing the scale demon again. Food was squeaky clean, workouts were kick a**. Then, I snuck a peek at the scale on Friday and I was only down a pound. This is after five days in a row of squeaky clean eating and thousand calorie burn workouts that left me literally drenched in sweat. I ran the two miles I was scheduled to run yesterday morning and food was clean all day - I even packed a salad for my three hour afternoon gig. Had a protein smoothie after my workout, then the egg whites and oatmeal, then salad with an egg and salmon.

Then, the family wanted to eat dinner from the dreaded Cheesecake Ffactory. I ordered the Skinnylicious chicken lettuce wraps, which I had had the previous week at a business lunch. I had found them really light and yummy and I was proud of myself for ordering off the skinnylicious menu even though I knew it was a slightly smaller portion than the appetizer portion and I was starving (and had barely eaten all day). Anyway, when it arrived I realized the chef had decided to put some weird peanut sauce on it, so I tried to eat around it but could only eat two of the three. I was starving so I had about a quarter of my sister in law's burrito. That woke the dragon - he was still drowsy, but definitely sniffing around. I had a bite of my daughter's miniburger and about five fries, then a bite of my husband's cheesecake and some frozen grapes. I reined myself back in finally, opting for a true final meal of a pure protein bar and some green tea.

What the hell? Could this really have all been triggered by my stepping on the scale? Possibly. All I know is I really want to do things differently this time, so I confessed it all to my online trainer and got my ass up to run five miles this morning. Food was clean for the most part today and I had neither the birthday donuts that are a traditional breakfast in this house on someone's birthday nor any of the ice cream cake with which the rest of the family finished off the evening.

Monday's coming. Back to the grind. Tomorrow I will post the official week 1 weight. Till then, good night everyone!

It Hurts...Oh, It Hurts...

2011-09-16T21:23:00.003-04:00

Or at least I do.

Every inch of me is sore, down to my hair follicles. My quads scream out almost audibly when I go up and down stairs. My shoulders are permanently slouched because the weight of holding them up is more than I can bear. I think my eye muscles are even strained. Or, maybe that's from all the blogging.

Anyway, I asked my trainer what he wants to see as a weight loss goal and I was happy to see that he is looking for 2 pounds, would be thrilled with 3. I think I lost six pounds the first week when I trained with him before, so I was really bummed when I snuck a peek at the scale and it looked like I had only lost a pound. I'll probably give him that two-pound loss but probably not a whole lot more.

The bigger question is, how do I sustain this level of exercising and eating clean as life continues to hit me from all angles? This weekend, my sister in law is coming down and we are officially celebrating my daughter's 9th birthday. She wants to go bowling on Saturday night and wants an ice cream cake (yay - not at all a fan of ice cream cakes, me), and then Sunday she wants me to take her to the mall for some shopping and an Auntie Anne pretzel (not yay - I am a fan of Auntie Anne). I've already decided that she can ask for whatever she wants - my new and improved lifestyle is not going to impact her, if I can help it. However, that does bring me to my...

Recreating My Body - Tip #1:

If you are trying to lose weight, indulge in EVERYTHING. Just don't indulge in it all the time. Here's what I mean - if my daughter had opted for the Genuardi's chocolate cake with the white icing, I would have seriously wanted a piece. My plan in that scenario was to cut off a hunk of it and put it right in the freezer for my dedicated cheat day. Whether or not I ended up having it on that day is not the point. Just the act of cutting the cake and putting it in the freezer would quiet the little kid inside that would be screaming, "WHY can't I have some? WHY? WHY? WHYYYY?" My response: "Oh, you can TOTALLY have some, sweetie. Just not today."

So, there you go. I know it's working. People are already commenting on how toned I look. I'm just looking forward to they day someone says, "You're not on a diet, are you? Because you're already so thin and fit!" And my response will be (say it with me now):

"No, I'm not on a diet. I'm on a MISSION."

Are You On a Diet?

2011-09-13T13:46:00.003-04:00

Someone asked me that question this past Sunday, and my answer was a solid and resounding "NO." Now, it just so happened that I hadn't actually started my Dreambodies journey - yesterday was Day 1, as you know. But to be honest, even if I had been asked the question after I started, my answer would have been the same.

I don't believe in dieting. We've all read the magazine articles that talk about the fact that diets don't work, and I believe that to be true. It doesn't work to go "on" a diet, because that presupposes that eventually you will go "off" the diet. In my case, my period of being "off" a diet more than counterbalance any of my good dieting efforts.

All that being said, though, my reason for being so convicted about not being on a diet when my friend asked me had less to do with the efficacy of diets and everything to do with the Law of Attraction. The fact is, I am done with perceiving myself (and being perceived) as someone who has to diet in order to have a great body, beautiful skin, and tons of energy.

So, I am not on a diet. I am on...

A MISSION.

I am stoked to be on Dreambodies, because I basically get my marching orders - daily meal plan, workout, etc - and then I don't think about it anymore. If I feel myself weakening, I send an e-mail to my trainer and he e-mails me right back with an answer to my question, words of encouragement or a virtual kick in the pants.

I am on a mission to become a leaner, stronger version of myself, better even than before I got pregnant.

I am on a mission to show my daughters that motherhood, aging, and fierce beauty don't have to be mutually exclusive.

I am on a mission to reclaim the inner vixen, inner goddess, inner Betty Boop that I have carried with me all these years but only in small spurts have been released to the outside world.

I am on a mission to follow through on my commitment to myself, my health and my children's desire to have me around for a long time.

I am on a mission. Feel free to come along for the ride. :)

Day 1...PM check in...I MADE IT!

2011-09-12T22:13:00.003-04:00

Phew! I made it to the end of the day! And guess what? I did GREAT! I can totally do this. I can!

Food was clean. In addition to what I posted before, I had a turkey burger (no bun, no cheese), steamed cauliflower and broccoli, followed by protein pudding (yuuummm....).

I had four liters of water today, plus green tea I'm having now with a bit of soy creamer.

It helped that we had our parent meeting for the girls' youth choir. I think the ridiculous number of activities they have is actually going to be great for my diet. Here's our schedule:

Monday night, Devon and Amelia swim team 5:45 - 6:45
Tuesday night, Devon and Amelia, swim team 5:45 - 6:45, Autumn, soccer practice, 6 - 7
Wednesday night, Devon and Amelia, choir practice 4:30 - 5:45
Thursday night, Devon and Amelia, swim team 5:45 - 6:45, Autumn, soccer practice, 6 - 7
Friday...relax. Ahh...

Anyhoo, we're also going to fit band practice in there somewhere, because we have a gig at White Pines Estate and we intend to have the whole band for that. If you're in the Elkins Park area on November 8, come through!

I guess that's it for now. I'm gonna read my kindle and then listen to my guided meditation MP3s so that my mind is right for tomorrow's FOUR-PAGE ABS workout. Yikes. Doesn't the guy know I just had a baby six months ago? Hello...NO core. I'll do my best.

Day 1...afternoon check in

2011-09-12T14:24:00.003-04:00

So, I'm about halfway through day 1. A good day so far.

I went to the gym after dropping off the kids and did the FOUR-PAGE workout Tony assigned to me, without any shortcuts. Looked like this:

10 min run at 4.5 mph
Two sets reverse crunch, 45 reps each (was supposed to be four, WTF??) and two 20-second planks
Two sets regular crunch, 25 reps each
Arnold shoulder presses, FIVE sets
Side raises, two sets
Two min interval run (alternating 3 mph, 8 mph)
Chest press, 3 sets
Overhand row, 3 sets
Two min interval run
Behind the head extensions, 3 sets
Bicep curls, 3 sets
Biceps 21s, 2 sets
Two min interval run
Squats, 3 sets
Step ups with barbell, 2 sets
4 min interval run (interrupted by pee-soaked diaper emergency)
10 min elliptical

Ugh. I'm so sore. My knee was hurting throughout the workout so we are going to try to just use the elliptical until I get through the pain (well, until the glucosamine kicks in...I'm finally taking it faithfully again).

OK, fast-forward to 2:30. Now. I've had one workout shake with glutamine, egg whites with veggies and oatmeal with sugar-free syrup and that's it. I'm afraid to eat anything else because now I'm at the time of day when I start craving carbs, chocolate, sugar, etc., and I don't know what to eat to satisfy that craving. Ok, truthfully, I'm not supposed to satisfy that craving.

I'm gonna make some ... um...I don't know what to make!! Urgh. I need to grill up the chicken or something. Maybe I'll just make a whey protein shake and then have lemon chicken for dinner tonight. That seems like a good, solid plan.

I'll check in tonight to let you kguys know that it went ok....no, that it went GREAT.

The Journey Begins Again...

2011-09-11T21:28:00.004-04:00

Well, my Facebook weight loss challenge starts tomorrow and my online trainer is also going to officially have me on board and starting his crazy workouts, not to mention the fact that I’m in the midst of my half-marathon training for the Philadelphia half-marathon in November. As such, I had to get myself out to the trail this morning for a four-mile run, despite the fact that my husband, who ran it yesterday, said it was a bit of a mess. This trail has been somewhat of a sanctuary for me for sometime now. In 2005, I ran my first marathon and did all my training runs there, running without music, meditating on various parts of my life for often four or five hours at a time. When I had my third child and got to the point of my pregnancy where I could no longer run, I missed the trail like an old friend. In fact, one of the first places I went to after getting out of the hospital was Valley Green.

So, I felt a little bit violated on its behalf when I saw the downed trees and gauged out roadway, all the various damage from Hurricane Irene having had her way with my trail. A little less than halfway through this morning’s run, I came upon a 50-yard length of trail that was covered in huge boulders and rocks (see photo). As I slowed to a cautious walk, I realized the lesson this new trail had to teach me. Despite how attached we are to the things we love and the way we love to do things, all things are subject to change. The only thing we have control over is whether or not we embrace the change.

In that moment of epiphany, I decided to enjoy the walk break and the change in muscle groups that were being used. I hopped right back into my run after I cleared the rocks, and I sloshed through mud and waded through branches on the other side, being overcome by seas of cross country high school boys, I giggled to myself at my ability to stay the course. This was no longer just a run, it had become an adventure. This was also a perfect analogy to my life. I could either buckle under the pressure of the rocky times, or I could enjoy the change of pace and look forward to the smoother roads ahead.

This weight-loss journey I am about to embark on will be a challenging one, different from ones I have faced in the past but equally surmountable. I look forward to sharing it with you.

The Law of Attraction and Weight Loss

2011-08-09T20:58:00.003-04:00

The scale doesn't show the numbers I want to see, but I am still just as confident as ever. I am now up to running nearly 3.5 miles at a time and am running at a steady 5.0 mph pace. I am SO happy with that because I know I will be ready for the half-marathon in November.

I have really made some significant progress since I last posted. My body has definitely toned up and I have lost 15 pounds since the beginning of June. I still have 40 pounds to go, but I know the Universe is going to suck that off of me with the quickness. One reason I know this to be true is that I have experience with affirmation prayers of abundance working WELL and now all I have to do is come up with an equally powerful prayer around my weight loss.

The abundance is prayer is amazing. Since I have been saying it consistently, I have been seeing contracts that were already for a good amount of money get DOUBLED by the client, have seen checks come in weeks early that were for thousands more than I expected them to be, have seen small projects pop up out of nowhere for work I've already completed. It's amazing - like magic.

I have a friend who is skilled in the Law of Attraction and she swears that since she figured out how to apply the Law of Attraction principles to her weight loss, she now has the figure of a Victoria's Secret model. She says what she does is to put on the best music she can think of (for me, that's currently "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5), gets all into an uber happy state of mind and then and ONLY then, she envisions herself at her perfect weight.

I know for a fact that I have been disallowing my ideal body to manifest by making the mistake of thinking and talking about weight loss from a negative mindset. Only starting today, I have started getting really excited about the fact that I KNOW the Law of Attraction works, so it absolutely has to work in this area if I am diligent about keeping my thoughts and words positive.

I know how it feels to be in really good shape. I know how it feels to be eating healthy and exercising, to look in the mirror and like what I see. I know that's right around the corner. I'm just going to focus on how good it's going to feel when I get there. I have seen it work with regard to manifesting abundance. Now it's time to see it in action with regard to achieving my ideal body. Oh, and case you're wondering, it looks like THIS:

I'm RUNNING!

2011-04-26T18:59:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I only ran 2 minutes at a time, but the fact is...I'm RUNNING! I am so confident that I'm going to finally start seeing this next 25 pounds come OFF now that I'm working out the way I like to. I ran/walked for 50 minutes today and was sweaty and red-faced at the end. It felt GREAT!

I have decided that I am going to really use the Law of Attraction to achieve vibrant health and the body of my dreams. I've done it before, I can do it again. I've used the LoA to build an amazingly successful business in what's touted as one of the worst economic situations we've faced in many years. Not for me! :) The Law of Attraction works - if you believe it, you can achieve it. I've struggled not with my weight, but with my belief in myself in this area. NO MORE. I know I am beautiful. I know I am strong. I know what is healthy for my body and that I have the strength to make healthy choices.

Watch me transform before your eyes!!! I will even include progress pics. How's THAT for confident. I intend to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight by the end of this year and YOU can join me on the journey!

Tonight's dinner was quesadillas with chicken, organic cheddar cheese, fat-free refried beans, homemade guacamole and salsa. YUM! My daughter said I am the best cook in the world. Tee hee! I can cook!

Okay, I'm all over the place. I will check in again soon!

Planning for a Beautiful Trip

2011-04-17T02:50:00.009-04:00

OK, I'm typing one-handed in the dark so please forgive my mistakes. I just had to log on to check in on how I'm doing. We made it safely to Myrtle Beach, despite the tornados that touched down yesterday wreaking serious damage across the region. On the way down, I felt like I was a bit of a tornado myself, wreaking havoc on my recent weight loss success with a torrent of sugary treats. However, the good news is that I achieved my 25 lb goal on target prior to our first vacation with baby Max. The bad news is that I feel like I ate enough on the 10 hour car ride down to gain it all bsck, but I'm sure I didn't and I know I just have to rein it in. I need to make healthy choices and have healthy food around, otherwise, even if I do get a little bit of exercise in, I'm likely to end up looking and feeling really crappy.

So, I needed to come here and confess and regroup. Because I want to enjoy this trip, and I know if I'm in a sugar coma the entire time I won't enjoy it all. Tomorrow, we will get to the grocery store and I will buy lots of yummy fruit and healthy treats.

This place is gorgeous, if you've never been. It's called the Marina Inn at Grande Dunes in Myrtle Beach, SC. We have a beautiful 3-bedroom villa with stunning views of the marina and plenty of room for our entire family. I feel blessed and optimistic about what a great vacation this is going to be. I want to feel healthy and beautiful, despite the fact that I am only one third of the way through my current weight loss journey back to pre-pregnant me.

Last night, as we were settling in, my 8 year old daughter and I were taking a moment to watch the sunset off the rear balcony and I suddenly felt compelled to ask her for some reassurance. I asked her if she still thought I was beautiful even though I have all this weight to lose from having the baby. She said, "Of course. You're really, really pretty." In recounting this to my husband, he seemed surprised to hear that I don't see myself in a positive way right now, that I don't feel beautiful. Apparently, the only person who doesn't see my beauty is me. I know if I treat myself well and speak well about myself, I can join the ranks of those who see me as beautiful. That's the plan, anyway. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts!

I Want My Mojo Back

2011-04-06T20:06:00.003-04:00

I had my OB/GYN check up today - all is well. I did, however, make the mistake of telling my doc that I've been having some groin pain and that I overdid it on Tuesday walking too fast. I couldn't help it - the weather was finally warm, I was listening to tunes I hadn't listened to in months, and I was EXERCISING! It felt great! But afterward, I had some bleeding, indicating I had, in fact, overdone it. The doc told me that I was not to walk for exercise again, or do ANYTHING strenuous (including carrying my baby in the carseat) until my 6 week recovery period was completely over. POO.

So, one would think this would incentivize me to tighten my food up even more, wouldn't one? Quite the contrary. I went on a carb frenzy - in fact, since 2 pm, I have had nothing but pretzels, french fries and ice cream. WTF!!? Back in my all or nothing mood - just for tonight, though. I am determined to get on the band wagon and take a healthy approach to this last 2.5 weeks before I can exercise the way I want to. Unfortunately, this also means I won't be able to achieve my goal of walking the 10-Mile Broad Street Run, which has been a tradition of mine for the past five years (to run it, not to walk it).

If you're not a parent yet, let this be a lesson to you - the reason pregnancy lasts nine months and requires you to go through unimaginable changes, like weight gain, acne, heartburn, varicose veins, stretchmarks, swollen feet, etc., etc. is that it's the first in a long, long litany of lessons geared toward one important message - IT IS NO LONGER ABOUT YOU. As a four-time mom, this latest lesson comes as no surprise. So, all I can do is roll with it. I WILL be rocking a bathing suit come August though. Cause this little obstacle ain't nothin but a temporary detour.

Where we at?

2011-04-04T16:37:00.004-04:00

Hi there, everybody!

So, I bought the first pair of non-maternity jeans today to see where we are. Drum roll please....

...size 18. And a tight size 18, at that. That means, I have gone up four sizes since my beautiful pre-pregnancy size (shown at right).

I'm not worried. I'm seriously on track with food, logging and eating healthy. I even set goals for each week, getting progressively more intense as I continue to heal post-pregnancy. This week's goal is to keep daily calories below 2500, to walk 3 times and to drink at least 3 liters of water daily. If I achieve these goals, I'm putting $25 in the kitty. By the time we go to the shore in August, I will have $500 saved for some new clothes. Yay!

I feel strong and capable. I know my goals may not seem like a lot to others, but at only 3 weeks postpartum (and nursing, mind you), I am determined to not act like a crazy person trying to lose weight at a ridiculously rapid pace but also to stay on track and disciplined, back in good habits and back to being conscious of how I eat. My theory is that this will keep me consistently moving toward my goal.

Stalling and MIA

2011-04-01T14:35:00.002-04:00

Wow - I'm embarrassed it's been a whole week since I last posted. Oh, well, better late than never. So, I was feeling slightly stalled in my motivation and weight loss but am here to get reenergized and recommitted! I know I can get my body back - I've done it three times before! So, I went for an AWESOME walk on Tuesday with the baby, the weather was gorgeous and I was loving listening to workout tunes I hadn't enjoyed in months. As a result, I think I may have walked a little faster (and farther) than I should have. Now I'm out of commission. It hurts even to walk. Boo hoo. I'm seeing my OB on Wednesday, so hopefully I will get reassurance that everything is healing fine. Otherwise, I've been logging my food and trying to keep my menu relatively healthy, though it's technically to early to diet. Lord knows, I have no problems with my milk supply. I'm pumping 6-7 ounces at a time and have a huge store already. That's a first for me (and of course it's happening now, while I'm working at home and barely need it.) Anyway, I have to be honest. I'm trying SO hard to stay patient and remember that it is going to take time for me to get back to my old self again. I've already lost 20 pounds in less than three weeks. I hope to have lost 25 pounds by the time we go to Myrtle Beach in two weeks. Then, we're off again to Martha's Vineyard in June. My goal is to lose an additional 20 pounds before that trip - 6 weeks is not a lot of time to lose that amount, but I will be finally cleared to work out so that should help. Then, if I can lose another 20 before our trip to the shore in August (10 weeks to accomplish that goal), I'll be less than 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Just going to chunk it out like that and focus on one goal at a time. I look forward to sharing the journey with you guys!

Day 2...small victories

2011-03-25T17:57:00.002-04:00

So, if I look at the big picture and how much I have to lose, I get discouraged. Instead, I need to focus on the small victories in each day. So today, here's what I did that I consider supportive of achieving my goals:

I drank two liters of water, which is great. I think my goal for tomorrow will be to reintroduce the apple cider vinegar drink tomorrow, and see how that goes.
I continued to log today, despite going off my food plan (which, to be fair, was only planned in my head).
I walked for the first time for exercise - 1.5 miles in 30 minutes.
I told on myself - that I've been struggling with negative self talk, behavior I have every intention of changing.

Well, that's today. I've lost 17.5 pounds since I had the baby. That's progress, not too bad for 11 days out! I will keep you guys posted as I continue to make progress!!!

New Beginnings

2011-03-24T21:31:00.003-04:00

Well, baby is here!! For those of you who aren't friends with me on Facebook or Twitter, why aren't you? No, seriously, he was born on March 14 at 9:40 am weighing in at 8 lbs, 15 0z., and measuring 21.5 inches long. Big boy! He's an amazing, wonderful little boy - sweet and happy. I can't stop kissing, snuggling and loving on him. Can you blame me?

Things are going fairly well. I've been having some problems breastfeeding - would have thought that wouldn't happen by the 4th kid, but no one prepared me for the nonstop voracity of boys - and for the past few days have been exclusively pumping, which is going well and helping.

I'm also raring to get back in the saddle of getting in shape, hence the newly designed blog and updated goals. I"m determined to look halfway decent when we go to Sea Isle for two weeks in August. I know that's still a ways off, but I'm going to have to work hard to reach my goals so I need to start now. My midwife recommended I wait till next week to work out, so I haven't been exercising at all, but I'm really ready to test the waters. I've been watching closely what I eat and have lost close to 20 pounds already (of course that's what happens after you have a baby, and I'd really hoped it would be closer to 30, but I'll take what I can get.)

Anyhoo, I'm back and ready to recreate myself yet again. And this time, my tubes were tied so I don't have to worry about doing this all over again. It's so hard to come back from pregnnacy, especially for me because I always gain so much dang weight. Anyway, I hope you'll follow me and support me in this journey. I look forward to sharing it with you!!

Week 35...Perspective

2011-02-11T09:55:00.003-05:00

So, I guess the theme for this week is perspective. Is the glass half full or half empty? Am I lazy or finally slowing down and resting for the last month of this pregnancy? All I know is I'm finding it harder and harder to find the energy to even get up in the middle of the night the 18 times a night biology forces me to do so, let alone summon the additional energy to don my workout clothes and get a nice workout in before I start my day.

What I do know is that I'm tired, tired, tired. I have been trying to stay positive in these posts, have tried to keep them well-rounded, not just about my fixation on how much weight I've gained or even what pregnancy symptoms I'm currently experiencing. But this week, I just can't help it. It's pretty much all I'm thinking about.

OK - I started writing that last night and first, I have to say I feel MUCH better this morning. How's that for perspective? That being said, I still feel huge. So, I'm gonna lay it down for you guys.

I cannot WAIT to get back in my groove again. For those of you who didn't know me pre-pregnancy, here's a pic. I LOVE being a girl, and love wearing clothes that show my curves. I'm not looking to be perfect or plastic . For now, I'm looking to get back to where I was. Although, if I'm being honest, I do have to admit that I have looked into the cost of liposuction and even have a library of before and after pics and places that can do the surgery.

I'm not even saying that I'm not going to do it. I may very well do it, when the kids are older. I know I'm not trying to have to worry about the recovery associated with liposuction post op with three young children and a newborn. But it is out there as an option in my mind if exercise and diet alone don't do it for me. I am a hardcore exercise fiend. I LOVE running and lifting weights and non-pregnant, I do it 5-6 times a week without complaining. I eat healthy without denying myself occasional treats. But let's face it, after four children and with 40 in my rear view mirror, I might need a little extra help to get back to what I looked like (and didn't appreciate) when I was in my twenties before I had kids.

For now, though, I'll be happy to get back to this. This is a picture of me from last year this time. Boy, what a difference a year makes, huh? Now, PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am SO happy to be having another baby. I'm so thrilled and feel so blessed to be having a healthy boy to add to our family of girls. I almost cannot believe it's happening, and I fully intend to enjoy being a new mother again just as I have enjoyed this pregnancy. I have eaten healthy but enjoyed indulgences. I have worked out, but taken it easy when my body has told me it's time to slow down (like now...I can't even get my butt to the gym anymore). And to be totally honest, this pregnancy has taught me a lot about how to not be in constant diet mode. I think now that there is sometimes as much value in a hot bath as there is for a good workout. It might not burn as many calories, but I believe that I have struggled sometimes with losing the last ten pounds just because of how much I WANTED to do it and how stressed out I was about it. I have learned, during this pregnancy, how to relax without giving up the entire goal.

So, my friends, although this phase of my life - the pregnancy - may be nearing it's close. The story is FAR from over. And I look so forward to sharing the next chapter with you!

Week 33...6 weeks and counting!

2011-01-27T20:58:00.002-05:00

So, when D-day comes (and by D-day I mean "delivery day") comes, I fully intend to recreate this site. There's going to be so much to talk about - relaunching my music career, recreating my body post-baby, relaunching myself back into my consulting career. I can hardly wait to get started.

For now, though, i must admit that I'm already at the same amount of weight gained I was at the end of my last pregnancy, which is a bit startling. I'm not giving up the fight, though. I ordered my Bamboo Belly Bandit (hey, I can't knock it till I've tried it, right?) and have selected my jogger travel system. Hell, I even signed up for the 10-mile Broad Street Run on May 1st, not quite 6 weeks after I deliver. Not sure how that's gonna work since the recovery from a c-section is generally 6 weeks, but my midwife is supportive so I'm going for it.

Today was a wonderful day - kids were snowed in and between meetings, we played Just Dance 2 on the Wii, made fairy cookies and hot cocoa, and watched last night's American Idol. They even had reading time and arts and crafts. Something about the snow brings out the good mom in me, I must say. :)

Guess that's all for now. Good night, all!

Happy New Year, at last!!! ...Week 32

2011-01-20T09:58:00.003-05:00

Man, I feel like I am finally able to exhale after the holidays. Today is my daughter Amelia's seventh birthday. We started today off with the celebratory donuts that have become a tradition. I didn't realize how much of a tradition until my daughters told me last night that they were VERY excited for the donuts that were coming. I was like, "What donuts?" And they said, "The donuts we get every time it's someone's birthday." Guess it's a tradition now!

Anyhoo, back to the whole Happy New Year thing. Last week, I think I talked about how frustrated I had been with how much illness was ripping through the house. Honestly, I couldn't even come up for air long enough to appreciate the fact that we had made it through the holidays. Yep, I said it. I feel like I hold my breath from October 31 through Jan 1 because of all the temptations to CONSUME - to consume food, to consume alcohol, to consume products in stores. It just feels so great when it's over and it all goes back to normal. I know, I know...some of you out there are saying, maybe you need to get in touch with the spirit of the holidays... And maybe I do, but I'm just being honest here.

So, I managed to make it through with fairly little damage to our finances, or to my whole pregnancy weight gain goal (which is just to keep it to somewhere around my average weight gain from the past three pregnancies), but I couldn't really stop to enjoy it because I was caught in such a whirlwind of everyone getting sick, then better, then sick again. And, in the midst of all that, I had this client who supposedly wanted to renew my contract with them but to do so was involving so much back and forth, so much negotiating, I was barely sleeping from the stress of it all.

Well, that ended yesterday and everyone is healthy and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I have just the amount of work I really want, and clients who really value and appreciate my contributions and even a little time to actually prepare for this new baby who's coming (whether we're ready or not) in less than 8 weeks!!!

So, yes, I'm happy. I'm blissfully happy. Happy, happy, happy. Life is back to normal, and for the record, my normal life is nothing short of extraordinary.

Enjoy your Thursday, everyone!

Week 28...All I Want for Christmas

2010-12-23T06:40:00.001-05:00

All I want for Christmas is to be HEALTHY.

Week 28. Officially in the third trimester. We are in the final stretch, folks, and no one is more happy about that than I. (Funny thing is, I find myself still amazed and befuddled when I look down at my protruding stomach, thinking, "How did we get here again?") But I feel generally pretty good, other than a lingering cough from last week's QUARANTINE situation.

Last Wednesday, my 6 year old started complaining of stomach pains and before long was curved over the toilet, throwing up. Needless to say, she stayed home with me. I sent a text to my mother's helper and found out (through an inadvertent text she had intended to send to her sister that ended "WTF?") that she is deathly afraid of stomach bugs, so I was essentially on my own with it. Not too bad, since for the most part my daughter was pretty perky and I didn't have much on my calendar other than a holiday party, and the hostess was gracious about letting her tag along with me.

Sad for me, I had forgotten about the sneakiness of stomach bugs. How they can look benign and short-lived in one person and linger for days in another. Friday, as I went to bed, I start feeling like I was going into early labor, my stomach was hurting so bad. I could barely sleep. Just past midnight, I heard a scream from my 4-year old's room. She had just wretched in her bed. After finally getting her bed sheets changed and getting her settled down, I felt it coming on for me. I had endured 7 months of pregnancy without puking and this stomach bug was taking me down. An hour later, my 8-year old was calling out for help and back in our room, my husband was complaining of feeling queasy. It was going to be a long day.

As luck would have it, I also had some sort of head cold on top of everything else, along with a fever. So, while everyone else has mostly recovered (my husband still complains of queasiness), I am coughing like a 70-year old barmaid with a 2-packs a day habit. I'm still grateful that the bug ran through our house quickly, rather than taking us out one at a time. Christmas is the day after tomorrow and my girls are healthy. That's the most important thing. My husband and I are getting better day by day. This time next week, we'll be in Arizona with my sister and her family and that can only improve our situation.

So, all I want for Christmas is to be HEALTHY. If I get nice jewelry, or a trip to the spa, even better. But honestly, after surviving this last week of nonstop illness, I'm pretty focused on the basic things for which I have to be grateful: my wonderful family, a job I love that pays well, great friends who make me laugh out loud long and often, and of course, if nothing else, at least I have my health.

Stay warm and dry everyone, and be grateful for the little things. The things that you get for Christmas every year without even having to ask.

Testing, Shmesting...Mom's Coming.

2010-11-04T05:00:00.000-04:00

I started to write a whole blog about amniocentesis and advanced maternal age and genetic testing and blah blah blah and it was just kind of depressing. What I really want to talk about is the fact that my mother is coming to visit today. I’m really looking forward to seeing her, but I have to admit that I’m a little nervous about how she’ll react to my big old pregnant belly. Is she gonna think that I’m holding it together this time, or is it gonna be obvious that I’ve already gained the recommended amount despite the fact that I’m only halfway through my pregnancy? Overall, I feel really healthy and extremely blessed to be pregnant again, not only with our fourth child but with our very first son. I’m very much looking forward to sharing that joy with my mother, who had five children of her own. I do have to admit, however, that my mother’s reaction to my ever-blossoming pregnant body is not exactly at the bottom of my list of worries.

I come from a long line of women, you’re probably not at all surprised to hear, who were obsessed with their weight. I can still remember visiting my grandmother in the nursing home when she was 93 years old, and her telling me that she weighed herself every day and replaced two of her daily meals with Slimfast shakes. Why they would let a 93 year old woman have Slimfast instead of a meal, I have no idea. I guess I say all that to say that I come by all this neurosis honestly. Anyway, my children are totally excited for Grandma’s meet. She may even get to see my eldest daughter’s first winter swim meet, and we all plan to go out to dinner on Thursday night to a fabulous restaurant in Abington, PA called Timber. It should be a fun evening. By then I should have the results of my fetal echocardiogram and hopefully have been told that the baby is growing fine and is completely healthy. By all accounts, it should be a fabulous weekend…if I can just let go of my age-old neuroses and relax, it might actually end up that way!

Week 20 - The Big Reveal

2010-10-28T00:52:00.001-04:00

I know I should have been happy enough to have a healthy baby that I didn't even need to know the gender. I am painfully aware of the fact that many women my age want children but can't have them without the help of fertility treatments, if they're lucky enough to have them at all. And so yes, I felt guilty admitting that I had an opinion on the gender of my unborn child. But dammit, after 8 years raising three strong-willed, melodramatic, girly-girls,8 years of arguing about whether they could wear the same dress five days in a row, 8 years of trying to brush through three thick heads of hair, 8 years of princesses and pink and Hannah Montana, I wanted a boy.

Interestingly enough, my husband claimed he would be happy either way. He said he knew how to do girls, was content to just go on ahead and do another one. Was, in fact, tired of getting his hopes up only to have them dashed (as we both had the past couple of times) and expected a girl. I, on the other hand, was not giving up without a fight. First, there was the dream. For those of you who don't remember, check out my blog titled, "The Psychic Sister." Then, there was the fact that this pregnancy felt so different from the others - no tell-tale metallic taste in my mouth, no sweets cravings, no crappy skin breakouts. On the contrary, this was the first pregnancy where people (including my husband) were telling me I was "glowing." I had never experienced that before and assumed it was a cockamamie myth some guy had concocted to get women to get pregnant despite the weight gain, stretchmarks and painful labor. But sure enough, here was my frightfully honest husband telling me I looked like I was constantly bathed in soft lighting. I even tried the old strand of hair tied to a wedding band, and it went back and forth, just like it should for a boy. I was convinced.

All that being said, I was still not patient enough to wait nine months. I hadn't been with any of my other pregnancies, why start now? I did want it to be special, though, this being our last time. I convinced my husband that it would be a good idea for us to have the ultrasound technician seal our baby's gender in an envelope, and we would then open it over a lovely, romantic dinner. Flash forward to this past Thursday. Our ultrasound technician did exactly that, and then handed the envelope over to my husband, who promptly hid it so I wouldn't be able to ruin the surprise (I'm not THAT impatient...but still, better safe than sorry, I suppose).

That night, on our way to dinner, I was already getting phone calls and texts from people wondering if we had done our Big Reveal. (I mentioned we have had three daughters in the past 8 years, didn't I?) So, we sit down to a lovely dinner at Ristorante San Marco in Ambler, PA. (I highly recommend it if you're a fan of Italian and happen to be in the area.) I'm ready to bust out the envelope and here is my husband, reading the menu like it's date night. Needless to say, I told him that he needed to fork it over. "I'm a trained actress," I explained. "I can keep a poker face."

It was hard, though, I must admit. After months of praying for a boy, months of talking myself down from the ledge in case it wasn't a boy, even apologizing to my unborn baby for having such a strong opinion on what his/her gender should be, I wasn't prepared for how happy I would be to see the little ultrasound picture the technician had put in the envelope, annotated with the words, "I have a peepee, Mom! I'm a boy!" (Yes, that's really what it said.)
As for my husband, who was fine either way and entirely prepared for another girl, well I think I saw tears well up in his eyes. I know there are folks who will think this blog is slightly sexist. Maybe not. I hope not. We have three beautiful daughters and we love them all to pieces. But we are very much looking forward to seeing what it's like to raise a son, and our whole family is completely overwhelmed with joy and gratitude that we're going to get to do exactly that.

And as I brushed my daughters' hair the next day, I have to admit I was relieved to know that there wouldn't be another head added to the mix, waiting for me to tackle its tangles. If there had been, I would have been up to the challenge, but I am going to relish every new facet of life this little baby boy is going to bring. Until next time!

Week 17...The Brawn

2010-10-07T20:56:00.002-04:00

So, last week I promised we would talk about The Brawn. It probably won't surprise anyone to hear that my focus couldn't be any farther from that. I'm not the slightest bit interested in gracing the cover of any magazines bearing my pregnant belly, a la Demi Moore and Vanity Fair. My relationship with exercise has changed, much in the way my relationship with my weight has changed, with this pregnancy.

I am exercising regularly again. I made a commitment to myself that I would slog through a two-mile run at least 4 days out of the week, however clumsily, and then tack some weight training onto the end. Yesterday, the whole thing took me a half hour. Today, I was at the gym for over an hour and actually felt some soreness in my muscles. It felt good. And I realize that feeling good is what exercise is all about right now. I could use whatever endorphins I can get, basically. And after I exercise, I feel all glowy and beautiful. Why wouldn't I do something that makes me feel like that?

I guess I want to share this stuff with you guys because it applies whether you are pregnant or not. You're beautiful if you say you are, if you feel like you are, if you strut like you are. Similarly, whether you are pregnant or not, you will benefit from making the time to exercise. Hell, I'm working 60-70 hours a week right now, holding down the fort with three kids and have one on the way, and I'm finding time to work out - even if it's just for a half hour - not because I'm trying to lose weight (clearly) but because I know it will make me feel good. And I'm not leaving that to anyone else but me. So, if I know there's a guaranteed way to get my day started off right (or finished off right), I'm damned sure going to do it. And if I don't, and I feel all yucky and bloated and blah, I have no one to blame but myself.

Give it a try. You make time to shower, to brush your teeth, to help your kids with their homework, to make dinner, whatever it is you've decided is a priority. Get yourself back on that list and see how much more you get out of every single day when you add a half hour of exercise. You'll be surprised how much more you can do when you've got an extra spring in your step.

OK, nuff said. Don't mean to preach. Now I have to keep working out so I don't look like a hypocrite. Or a hippo. Tee hee. Is anyone reading this, anyway?

Good night, all...

Week 16...Beauty and Brains

2010-09-30T01:00:00.002-04:00

This week, I have a couple different topics forefront in my mind: Beauty and Brains. The first, beauty, is an interesting switch from last week’s discussion of pregnancy weight gain. Although I can’t deny that my weight gain is on the high end of the spectrum, I also can’t deny that this pregnancy is the first time I actually feel like I know what people are talking about when they talk about the pregnancy “glow.”

On Sunday, my sister in law was in town and she wanted to take photos of my children – she’s a photographer in NYC. She got me in a couple shots, make up free and all, and she just kept remarking on how beautiful I looked. I had to admit when I saw the pictures, they weren’t half bad. And often when I accidentally catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror as I pass by or as I’m washing my hands in the bathroom, I have to do a double take, because I really like what I see. Pregnancy agrees with me this time around. So, that’s an interesting shift in my perception – that regardless of the number on the scale, I can still look and feel beautiful during pregnancy and hopefully this is something I will carry on into my life well beyond my delivery date.

The second thing I have to talk about is Pregnancy Brain. I have had a lot of experience with the way in which pregnancy causes me to be completely scatter-brained. I can remember putting milk cartons into the kitchen cabinets instead of the refrigerator, and …. well, I’m sure there are other examples but I can’t think of them because I have Pregnancy Brain! Maybe it’s because I have three other children, maybe it’s because I’m working 70 hours a week, maybe it’s just because I’m getting old and there’s a little senility mixed in there with the rest of what’s going on, but this Pregnancy Brain is out of control. As an example, let’s talk about my 4-year old daughter’s birthday party. Granted, there are EIGHT birthdays in September in my family. No, I’m not exaggerating, there are eight: my sister, my two brothers-in-law, my sister-in-law, my two nephews and my two daughters. So, there are a lot of moving parts in September, but I’ve never really had a hard time managing it all before. Well, for my four-year old’s birthday, I decided to do a Little Gym party, which generally is pretty straightforward. You call them up, you make the reservation, they take the deposit, you send them the addresses, they mail the invitations, done.

Well, first of all, somehow they didn’t take the deposit, so I almost lost the reservation. Then, because most of the children I wanted to invite on my daughter’s behalf were in her class at day care, I decided I would take care of the invitations myself. So, I had a little help from my sitter – we put the invitations together, and then after forgetting day after day after day, I finally remembered to put the invitations into their little lockers at school. Then, I realized at 3 am one morning, that I had forgotten to include RSVP information on the invitations. So, I then very cleverly (I thought) made up notes with just the RSVP information. Of course, I didn’t have a guest list so I had to try to conjure up the names from memory. Then, I get a call from the Little Gym reminding me about my party, including the date and the TIME, which turned out to be an HOUR AND A HALF later than what I had included on the invitation. So, I created another “Oops” flier for all the locker (feeling not nearly as clever as I had before), and now could not even slightly pretend that I could remember who had been invited, and who had received the first Oops message. The best I could do was field the e-mails and phone calls that came in, including those from the Little Gym asking if I had my final guest count yet. It has been a mess. Fortunately, Sunday will come and the party will have gone off, one way or another. And people are very tolerant of the way in which the brain functions, or perhaps malfunctions, during pregnancy, due to all the extra attention it’s giving to the little project going on down below.

So, that’s what I have going on this week: Beauty and Brains. Maybe next week will be Brawn, if I can ever get my larger-but-cuter butt back to the gym. You’ll have to stay tuned to find out!

On Pregnancy Weight Gain

2010-09-22T20:41:00.002-04:00

I know, I know, we all get sick and tired of thinking about our weight, complaining about our weight, obsessing about our weight, and during pregnancy is the one time we won’t, don't, shouldn’t have to worry about it, right? WRONG. My sister Skyped me a couple nights ago to say that someone had told her that the average pregnant woman only needs an extra 200-300 calories a day, and did I know that? Well, when I didn’t Skype her back (I was asleep – it was well past my normal pregnancy bedtime of 8:30), she worried that I got so pissed at her raising the issue of how much I should eat during pregnancy that I’d decided not to ever speak to her again. Seriously. It is that big an issue for many of us.

I’m not going to lie – my pregnancy weight gain stories have been pretty melodramatic, from the pregnancy where I gained 25 pounds by my first 8-week appointment (pregnancy #1 – I gained 90 pounds in all), to the one where I gained a mere 40 pounds (I weighed myself daily and worked out 5 days a week). I have run the full spectrum between not giving a single rat’s patootie to being borderline obsessive compulsive.

Last time I checked, we moms begin worrying the moment we pee on the stick. Is it really two lines? Is the second line too faint to really count? Will I miscarry? Should I have the amnio? Should I tell my boss? Will my husband still find me attractive? Will he mind if I don’t want sex? Will I be a good mom? Do we have enough money saved? Enough stuff for the nursery? Did I pick the right nanny/day care? Should I stay home with my kids? Will they welcome me back into the workforce if I take time off to be a mom? Will my kids resent me if I don’t? And on and on and on…So, do the doctors really have to add this little nugget into the mix, something over which many of us have so little control, especially when more than half of us are puking our guts up and just happy to eat whatever we can keep down and the rest of us are wishing we would puke already because we just spend the entire day feeling like we’re going to and eating is the only thing that seems to take away the nausea?

What I have come to believe is that as mothers, whether seasoned or first-time newbies, we have enough to worry about without adding some arbitrary guidelines about something we may have little control over into the mix.

Let’s take the 200-300 calories guideline, for example. I don’t know about you guys, but when I’m in my normal every day mode, I’m generally pretty diligent about how I’m eating and exercising. That means, I’m dieting. Pretty much all the time. OK, that’s not for everyone, I know. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’m just being honest. So, what I want to know is, when they say 200-300 extra calories, one would assume that’s on top of the regular maintenance caloric range of 2000 calories a day, not the Liimu-I’ve-been-dieting-since-I-was-9 caloric range of 1500-1600 calories a day. So, that means that by their standards I should be averaging between 2200-2300 calories a day. That’s significantly more than I’m used to, and about where I’ve been landing (at least since we entered the 2nd trimester and I stopped feeling like Sigourney Weaver in alien, except in my case the alien was going to gnaw it’s way through to the outside of my stomach, rather than popping out in a dramatic, scary burst).

And how about the guidelines around weight gain? I just read something today that said I should have gained about 5 pounds by now. Hopefully, they mean give or take 15 pounds. Seriously, though, I read a post on one of the pregnancy boards by a woman who weighed less than 110 pounds pre-pregnancy and when she went to her doctor for her 12-week checkup she had gained 6 pounds. He completely chastised her, saying for her entire pregnancy she should only gain 23 pounds. Where the hell did he get THAT arbitrary number? Honestly, there’s a part of me that feels like there should be a prerequisite for OB/GYNs to make commentary on the weight gain of their patients, unless they’ve been pregnant themselves or have seen their wives through at least three pregnancies. Otherwise, it should be like in the doctor’s office. You can not say anything derogatory or stress-inducing about the pregnant woman’s weight without a qualified nurse in the room, and by qualified, I mean she’s had a baby.

I’ve had three children, and have gained 90 pounds, 40 pounds and 65 pounds with them, in that order. Ironically, my first child just turned 8 years old and is nearly 5 feet tall and wears women’s size 8 shoes. She gets her incredible height from her dad and she’s not the slightest bit overweight. As for my second daughter, the nearly 7-year old with whom I gained the “ideal” amount of weight? A peanut. She’s in the 25th percentile and is barely an inch taller than her not-quite-4 year old sister. Not sure if there’s a correlation there, but I certainly intend to keep my eye on it. If this baby is tall enough to qualify for the NBA by the time he starts high school, I’ll get my answer.

And by the way, when I got pregnant with this child, I was within 5 pounds of my pre-first pregnancy weight, just like my mommy friends who gained 20-25 pounds with their pregnancies. My body knows what to do. It’s proven that time and time again. I’ve never had gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, preeclampsia or any other weight-related issues with my pregnancies and my children are happy and healthy.

Last time I checked, that was really what matters the most.

Why I've been so quiet...

2010-09-09T06:42:00.002-04:00

I'm PREGNANT! Yep, that's right. Totally out of the blue, but we are thrilled. So, for those of you who don't already know, that's why I haven't been blogging lately. Also, there's the fact that my weight is sky rocketing so that wouldn't be very motivating to those of you trying to slim down. (I always gain a ton with my pregnancies.) Here's the good news:

- You can follow my pregnancy on my other blog, Motherhood Later than Sooner. I will be chronicling my pregnancy every week on Thursday.

- When the baby comes, you will have to come back over here to watch me get back in shape!!! I will share with you all the nitty gritty, including surgery should it prove necessary.

See you in March!!

Wow...who knew?

2010-08-11T05:54:00.002-04:00

OK, so I must admit...I didn't even know you guys were paying attention to whether I was blogging regularly or not. Apparently you are! Yesterday, I got a phone call from a friend who said, "What's going on with the blog? I need your motivation!" And then today, a comment from my bilingual friend (sorry - I had to make an executive decision only to post the comments you provide in English...hope you don't mind) that my post updates are missed.

Well, I'm still here! I've been pretty busy. June - December is the busiest time of year for me, and this year is certainly no different. To make matters even more interesting, my current client requires an awful lot of face time, which is not my usual M.O. My workouts have dwindled and yes, my internet time is nowhere near where it was.

Other things are going on that I'm not quite ready to share at this hyper-public level. I will tell you that I've been posting weekly to another blog, Motherhood Later, so keep in mind that you can always get my regular updates there (though not necessarily fitness-related).

Thanks for the shout-outs, everyone. Talk to you soon!

Better Late Than Never

2010-07-09T22:54:00.002-04:00

OK, I will NOT be that person who blogs once a month or once every quarter. I wanna know what's going on with you guys, and I'm sure you're all DYING to know what's going on with me, right? Right. S

It's 11 PM and my daughter has an 8 am swim meet, but I am going to get this updated, come Hell or high (and early) water. It has been a full and productive week (I started a new project which requires I go onsite (gasp!) and that has really taken some adjusting. I love it, though, and I also love that once I pack my food, that pretty much takes the guesswork out of my diet. The scale loves that, too. I am pretty much at my all-time low weight today, despite the onset of the weekend AND my TOM. :)

I have truly been enjoying the intuitive fitness way of doing things lately. I have been doing whatever workouts I feel inclined to do - sometimes a DB workout, sometimes running with a friend, sometimes a hike with my sis, sometimes one of her crazy boot camp-style workouts, sometimes a kickboxing class at the gym, sometimes I just chill out and take a day off. (Yeah, you heard me right. I take a REST day. Sometimes TWO in one WEEK! Wait, get this...sometimes TWO IN A ROW!) I've been enjoying summer fruit, and lots of it. I even had a bite of my daughter's hot dog the other day. I am accountable for every morsel that goes in my mouth and I'm still fairly anal about avoiding dairy, thanks to what I learned about the havoc it wreaks on my skin, but otherwise, I am really getting quite good at...

GIVING MYSELF A BREAK.

That is not to say that I don't still work my BUTT off (literally) at the gym. Most days, I am DRENCHED in sweat following my workouts. (Partly that's because it has been over a hundred freaking degrees nearly every day since the start of summer, but still.) Training for the half marathon begins in earnest on Monday, so that will only improve my fitness. In addition, I have been doing WW online and LOVING it. It's sort of like a game to me, and it's a game that makes me want to eat less and workout more. A good combination. I'm never starving, though, and I still try to get mostly whole, non-processed foods.

For the first time in a long time, I can really see my way clear to achieving my goals, and returning to the weight I was on my wedding day, maybe even what I weighed before I quit smoking. How's THAT for an accomplishment?

And it only took me 15 years to do it. Better late than never.

My Independence Day

2010-07-04T11:22:00.009-04:00

Happy 4th of July everyone!

For many people, the 4th of July is about laying by the pool, or about hopping from cookout to cookout, eating tons of hot dogs and hamburgers, potato salad, chips and that cake that's iced to look like an American Flag. Hell, I have to admit that I looked forward to the cookouts and the pigouts more years than I care to admit.

This year, the 4th of July is not about eating (for once). It's about freedom. Freedom from compulsive eating AND from compulsive dieting. It's about freedom from addiction of all kinds. It's about freedom from poverty (I start a fabulous new project on Tuesday - YEAH!). It's about freedom from illness - dramatic, life-threatening illness, like the Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever that my 6 year old faced last year, and from mundane health issues like acne or achy joints. This July 4th, everyone is healthy and happy (and two of my daughters are even swimming, unassisted). It's about freedom from self-pity or martyrdom, freedom from being overwhelmed. Freedom!!!

I woke up this morning without my alarm, as I do every morning, and turned on a mindful meditation MP3 to start my day off right (thanks, Tony D for that...I still do it daily). Then, I got up and made my coffee, read my meditation books and wrote a couple pages in my journal. Ate a yummy vitatop muffin on my way to the trails, and then ran a quick and totally fun 5 miles with one of my dearest friends before the heat became unbearable. Came home and made a yummy protein-rich breakfast, and got the girls together to watch the July 4 relay races. It was hot, kinda boring, and then not one, but two of my three daughters had to pee. We went to the pool to use the bathroom - locked. The community hall, locked. The library, of course, locked. I looked at my girls and said, "You know what? This isn't flowing. Let's go home." "Are you mad?" they asked. "Nope, not mad. Just going with the flow."

Home we came, where they are playing learning games on the computers and in their new workbooks, while I catch up on the blogs, which are long overdue for an update.

I am so grateful to be free today. Not just free in the sense of living in a free country, though of course, I am also grateful for that. But for so many years, I was a prisoner in my MIND, which is so full of shoulds and should nots, I could never hear what I wanted to do in any given moment. Today, I am free to live each moment committed to health, sanity, and joy. And I truly, TRULY thank God for that.

Freedom and love to you all!

Love, Liimu

Has it really been nearly a month since I last confessed?

2010-06-06T18:38:00.002-04:00

Wow, I cannot believe that it's been that long since I last posted an update.

Things have been really great. I celebrated my birthday on May 22 and had many of my friends and family around to help me celebrate my transition into a whole new decade. I kicked off the day with a live performance at a festival to promote drug and alcohol awareness. Totally fun.

Since then, I've been having a LOT of fun with my girls. I've lost my accountability partner, but I've managed to stay on track by myself (and with the support of my friends and family). I haven't talked to T in awhile. We're supposed to talk tomorrow, and we have a lot to talk about, not the least of which being the fact that I'm going to have to go it alone for awhile.

I've stayed fairly steady, which is amazing considering the fact that I spent ten days in Italy and had a huge birthday celebration. I'm headed to Martha's Vineyard on Wednesday for my sister's 50th birthday celebration and I'm so confident that I'm going to be able to have a successful, healthy vacation. What a miracle.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'll check in again soon!

I'm in ITALY!!!

2010-05-10T15:57:00.003-04:00

OMG, it is so beautiful here and we are having SO much fun. I am determined to keep my eating in check and just focus on the beauty of this amazing country, though I have to admit that today was wonkalicious. (By that I mean wonky, but in a good way, because I just went with the flow.) We were in transit FOREVER because the flight was delayed three hours and then the baggage handlers in Italy decided to go on STRIKE, but we finally made it here by 6 pm. Suffice it to say, I had no calories until 6 pm and then had a huge dinner. I am proud of myself, though, because I have been having vegetables and I also had 1/3 of my dessert with dinner (my favorite dessert, I might add) and gave the rest to hubby.

I'm hopeful I have the energy to get up and run the streets of Venice. (Not the canals, mind you - steering clear of those.) I don't actually see anyone else running, so I'm a little worried they will look at me like I have three heads, but I'm going to give it a try, anyway. There is a fitness center, too. If I'm really shy, maybe I'll just give that a go. We have to make sure to get lots of spring water, because that's actually where I find myself struggling the most.

But this is really a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. My mom was gracious enough to take the kids, so hubby and I are truly on our own, enjoying this amazing experience together. (He's crashed out in the room right now, and I'm just trying to hold on long enough to call the girls.) Tomorrow, we will take a walking tour of Venice and go on a gondola ride. Romantic, yes!!! (I'd better not come back preggo. BWAHAHA!) Note from Me, 4.5 months later and 4 months pregnant: "Ha, bloody ha."

Anyway, hope you're all doing well. Talk to you soon!

All proteins are NOT created equal...

2010-05-03T21:59:00.002-04:00

Don't get me wrong. I like peanut butter as much as the next person. Hell, that's a lie. I probably like peanut butter a whole lot MORE than the next person. Like my latest favorite, Peanut Butter & Co.'s White Chocolate Wonderful. But I know what it is, and I know what it isn't.

Today, I was on the elliptical reading one of the magazines they provide and there was an interesting interview with Kathy Griffin where she talked about how, as a stand up comic, she finally realized that she didn't have to be as obsessive about how she looks (as she might if she were an A-list actress or a model, or something, I guess). But then, she said that she swears by peanut butter as her primary protein source, that she even keeps a jar of it with her on the road.

Now in the past, I would have taken this advice and run with it. Not just because I used to blindly take whatever I read as gospel, but mostly because I love peanut butter and would love to be able to give myself permission to eat it by the jarful. The truth is, I know better. While peanut butter has some protein, it is more accurately a FAT source than a PROTEIN source. Two tablespoons of regular peanut butter has 190 calories and a whopping SIXTEEN grams of fat, and only 8 grams of protein. That is by no means the same as other lean sources of protein: a cup of egg whites has 80 calories, SEVENTEEN grams of protein and no fat. Two ounces of chicken breast also has 17 grams of protein, but only 110 calories and 4 grams of fat.

Don't get me wrong. Peanut butter has a place in my life. I luuuurv it. I have learned to have a teaspoon of it, which has negligible protein but also fairly low calories. I have also learned to relegate it to the fat category so I don't get overconfident about adding it to my meal plan. When I'm calling it protein in my head, I can justify eating a tablespoon of it (or two or three) right out of the jar as I rush out the door to grab my kids off the bus. Just like that, I've consumed an extra 200+ calories and close to 20 grams of fat. SO not worth it.

Skinny as she is, I'm imagining Kathy's not doing that. She's probably much more careful about how she doles out the creamy good stuff. She also is probably working crazy hours and having no problem keeping her calories under control. I, on the other hand, need to really keep it in its proper place.

I love you, Peanut Butter. But you are NOT a protein source in my head. Chicken breast, salmon, tuna, egg whites, yes. Peanut butter, no. You're way too yummy to be an even exchange for any of that stuff. :)

I DID IT!!!

2010-05-02T15:44:00.006-04:00

I did it - another year, another successful Broad Street ten-mile run!! I was about 3 minutes slower than last year, thanks to the extra poundage I'm carrying (and the fact that it was 80 degrees at the race START). Here's a pic of me and my girls right before the race started:

Everyone I ran with was faster than me, but that just makes my competitive spirit kick in. I am DETERMINED to lose the last of this weight, keep training with people faster than me and truly get my 10-minute pace when we run the half-marathon in September. I'm going to register for it today and go online to find my favorite sneakers. I haven't gotten a new pair since before the 2009 Broad Street Run, so needless to say my dogs were BARKING during today's run.

I'm doing so super great, and was happy to see that I was down a pound this morning despite the fact that it's the weekend. Today is going well so far. I thoroughly enjoyed my post-run meal (thanks, in part, to the fact that my Scavenger of a three-year old was down for a nap when we got home, thank you dear Erica the Sitter).

Relaxing now, enjoying some time on the computer with the girls. When the baby gets up, I will join them for a hot bath and wash and braid their hair. Not my favorite part of the week, but eh, what are you gonna do? Oop, she's up and the 6-year old is complaining about a weird bug on her leg. Gotta run! (Pun intended.)

Another day, another ten miles...

2010-05-01T20:25:00.002-04:00

So, I have to say, I'm surprised there wasn't more backlash from yesterday's post on counting calories. Either that means you all agree with me, or no one reads me. :) Either way, I'm a believer. Down 2 pounds this week and feeling stronger and leaner than ever.

Tomorrow is my annual ten-mile run, the Philadelphia Broad Street Run. I'm running with my hubby for the first time and also encouraged by recent training runs that suggest I might actually beat last year's pace of 10:45 min per mile. One thing that has always been a bit of a challenge for me, as most of you distance runners know, is the insatiable hunger that comes with a run longer than 6 miles. So tonight, I have developed a 1700 calories food plan for tomorrow that allows for a satisfying pre-run meal and a generous post-run breakfast.

I'll keep you guys posted, but I think I will actually reach my goal of 165 before we go to Italy, and under 160 by the first day of Summer. We go to a beach house for the last two weeks of summer, and I fully intend to be at goal (150) by the time we get there. I know, I know...I've said that before. But this time, I have a plan of how to get there and it seems to be working!!

Old is new again!

2010-04-30T21:27:00.002-04:00

For the past several weeks, I have been trying something new. OK, well, it's not really new. It's actually a tried and true method that has been around since Eve first wondered if her leaf made her hips look wide. It's called calorie counting. Are you familiar with it?

Lately, I've been noticing tons of celebrities touting calorie counting as the key to their success in staying lean and fit. Carrie Underwood carries a food diary, and considers her meticulous calorie counting to be the key to her success at losing the last 20 pounds. Other celebrities, such as Valerie Bertinelli and Renee Zellweger, claim calorie counting is a part of what has made them successful at getting and/or staying lean.

I have always known that staying accountable is key. I have also seen over the past several years that I can be working out 6 days a week, three of those days with a trainer who is kicking my a** LIVE in the gym, and still stay within spitting distance of a very unhealthy 200 pounds if I'm not being conscious of what is going in my mouth. For the first time, I'm trying to test the reverse theory - if staying 100% accountable for what is going in my mouth will finally get me the last 10-12 pounds to goal.

Here are ten tips I have found to be helpful to keep in mind:

Find the calorie amount that works for you (i.e., allows you to lose weight without feeling deprived and starved) and then make sure you stay in a range that keeps that calorie amount the overall average. (You should take into account how much you currently weigh and how much you workout.)
Have a rough sketch of your food plan for each day, and pack any meals to take with you on the go
Try to eat every 3 hours so you don't get too hungry. Extreme hunger is a set up for going off plan or binge-eating.
Drink tons of water. Sometimes, believe it or not, you can mistake thirst for hunger.
Find an accountability partner, someone who can encourage you when you're losing motivation, someone who can give you a high-five when you are staying on track.
Make sure you're eating REAL food. Real food keeps you full longer and is often naturally lower in sugar, fat and calories.
Find opportunities to reduce calories in ways that won't hurt too much - will it kill you to have a 1/2 slice of cheese on your sandwich, instead of a whole slice?
Staying positive is key. Look for other opportunities to track your success than just the scale. Look at yourself in the mirror and see how your skin is getting smoother, your face is getting thinner. Take out the tape measure and watch the inches melt off. Feel the pleasure of knowing you are making healthy choices and changing your life for the better!
Don't think of it as a diet - think of it as a lifestyle change. One day, you'll find yourself counting the calories in your head! (But you'll still keep a food journal, won't you? Good girl...or boy).
If you're tired, go to bed! (Which is what I need to do now...if I stay up too late, I start fantasizing about what I can eat...)

So, that's all for me! Find yourself a good trainer to get you started with a killer workout program. My favorite, of course, is Tony D of Dreambodies. Tony can also help you revamp your food plan so you don't eat 1600 calories of sugar and fat. I generally eat Dreambodies approved meals, and I know I eat super healthy. The only difference is that I'm meticulous about keeping track of what's going in my mouth so that if I do eat something that's not on the menu plan, I'm held accountable for it. Accountability is key. There's a reason people have been counting calories forever and ever. It's cause it works!

Breaking through barriers!

2010-04-25T19:47:00.002-04:00

When I read The Secret for the first time, it completely changed my life. Within a couple months, I was singing on stage with Patti Labelle. A few months after that, I quit my job, started my own business and tripled my income. I couldn't say enough about how the Law of Attraction had affected my life positively.

One day, I was running a race with a friend of mine, and she was pushing me to run close to her 10-min pace and I just couldn't do it. I kept urging her to slow down, explaining somewhat apologetically that I was simply a slow runner, always had been, always would be.

"As someone who talks about being able to manifest all this great stuff through the power of positive thinking, I would think you of all people would notice how you've defined yourself. You can't run fast now, but why limit yourself? Maybe one day you will."

Well, folks, that day was today. This morning, I ran 6 miles at a consistent 9:45 minute pace. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would be running a sub-ten minute mile. Not only that, but running it for 6 miles straight. I am no longer an average runner. I am officially an athlete.

The power of positive thinking works. In ALL situations, for ALL people. It works!!! I'm living proof!

Hare Today, Here Tomorrow...

2010-04-25T19:43:00.003-04:00

It is such a beautiful and sunny day and I’m so grateful to have the life that I have today, especially when I think about how far I’ve come. Sometimes, though, I have to be conscious of where I’m going, and how fast I’m trying to get there. Like the tortoise and the hare, I can often be so focused on going, going, going, that I burn myself out and then end up missing the entire point of the journey.

I have a friend who I have known for many, many years. She and I have traveled along together in the journey of becoming our best selves, including losing weight. In fact, I met her online on eDiets, and over the course of time as we became friends, we began to see each other in person and then she moved to live 5 min from me. She saw me gain 90 pounds with my first baby and lose 70 of it in the first 7 months. She saw me quickly get pregnant with my 2nd child, less than 9 months after the birth of my first, and then lose the 45 pounds I gained in less than a year. She has essentially seen me work my ass off, literally. But what she has also seen are three things: She has seen me workout diligently 5-6 days a week since she has known me. She has seen me workout at that pace, regardless of how heavy I am; in 2008, I ran a half marathon tipping the scales at 196 pounds (I am 5’5”). She has also seen that no matter how hard I try, if I am not paying attention to what I eat, I can’t make any forward progress and that often if I work too hard, I burn out and then eat everything in sight, essentially undoing any progress I may have made.

What I have seen in her, if nothing else, is unerring consistency. Initially, she consistently was unable to make any forward progress. Last May, she joined me on a program that I absolutely believe is one of the top fitness programs available today, an online nutrition and fitness program called Dreambodies. Where other programs that touted the benefits of counting points, using meal replacement shakes, or getting in-person counseling and pre-packaged meals had failed us, Dreambodies seemed to have the perfect formula for success. When my friend saw that I had blasted out of the gate yet again and lost 30 pounds, she finally acquiesced and signed up herself. She saw immediate results, and now, a year later is within just a couple pounds of her goal. I still weigh the exact same amount that I did the day she signed up. With her unerring consistency and dogged persistence, she has surpassed my success and gotten even further along the journey, just like the tortoise passed the hare sleeping at the base of the oak tree sabotaged by his overeager start (and overconfident arrogance). I am learning from my friend what it means to be consistent, and the value of patient persistence.

Until yesterday, I was focused on and frustrated by my lack of ability, instead of being motivated and inspired by my friend’s unique constancy and how it has served her. Finally, in these last couple of days, I have noticed my energy and shifted it to a positive mindset and I have realized that if I can learn from her example and exhibit the same consistency, faith, positivity and courage (and keep track of what goes in my mouth), I will break through the barrier of self and have the same wonderful success she is now enjoying.

Yes, this week I’m thinking about the tortoise and the hare and how sometimes the world looks at the hares of the world and celebrates their slick, fast moves – Nicole Richie lose the baby weight in 6 weeks! Kim Kardashian loses 5 lbs in 5 days to get back at her ex! And maybe I’ve been the hare in this whole thing up till now, and it’s done nothing to get me where I’m going. Hare today, here tomorrow, as if I’m the one sleeping at the base of that old oak tree. But I’m awake now and ready to hop alongside that tortoise at a nice, even pace. So, big shout outs to the tortoises of the world. Thanks for reminding us that slow and steady wins the race!

Gotta love it!!

2010-04-22T14:23:00.003-04:00

For those of you who haven't read Tony's latest post, you need to check it out here.

Now you guys all know I'm allergic to dairy so I didn't comment on his post for the tub of whey protein. I posted there (and am duplicating that here) because Tony hit it on the HEAD for me. I have FINALLY applied the technique of positive thinking to my career and finances - saying all day long how much I LOVE to have tons of money and opportunities opening up every time I turn around!

What Tony's blog reminded me is that I HAVE TO apply this same technique to my fitness life. I have been in a negative mindset, subconsciously at best, other times FLAGELLATING myself inside. Pushing through it physically is a must, but better than that is to say, "I have NO problem getting in shape. I LOVE to push myself to the limit. I LOVE to see the scale reflect all my hard work. I LOVE to feel fitter and thinner than I ever have in my life." Whether or not I feel my fittest today, I can honestly say that I LOVE WHEN I FEEL THAT WAY. And getting in touch with how much I love that is the next step before actually loving that I am feeling it because now it's TRUE!

Can't wait to post here when this becomes reality. It only took 2 days for this practice to impact my financial fitness. I mean seriously - I went from having just a couple hundred dollars in the bank to depositing five figures and having TONS more work coming in.

God willing, it will take less time than that to employ this practice of LOVING MYSELF to fitness. God willing, I will start to really believe that what I am doing is WORKING and will start getting excited about the changes I am seeing in my skin, on the scale, in my clothes and maybe most importantly, IN MY MINDSET and OUTLOOK!

Happy, sad, tired, whatever...keep it moving and MAKE it happen

2010-04-13T12:08:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I blazed through every interval, every minute of cardio was as intense as it could possibly be. Today I'm tired. I slogged through my workout, but I did it. And the truth is, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I feel like. I just have to do it, anyway.

Lately, I have become willing to do whatever I can do, to do as much as I can do in any given day, any given moment, to make this dream of mine a reality. Does that mean I've done everything perfectly? No way. I had a 1/2 bagel with cream cheese a week and a half ago that has wreaked absolute havoc on my skin. I'll be paying for that for a month, at least. I'm still at the same weight I was 18 months ago, thanks to how hard-headed I am with regard to loosening things up on the weekend. I could go on and on, listing the ways in which I am definitely NOT perfect. But what I am is honest. Honest with myself, and honest with the people who are kind enough to be part of my support team, holding me accountable on a daily basis. What that means is that at the end of the day, when I achieve my goals (which I will), it will have been in a way that I can honestly sustain for the long-term. I will have found a way that truly works for me, taking into account all my foibles and flaws. And really, that's all that I could ever ask for, because that's all that I can count on to work ... for good.

Day 2 - keeping in close contact...

2010-04-07T10:04:00.002-04:00

So, today I dropped off the girls at 8:30 and was at the gym by 8:45. I had hoped this would give me enough time to get Tony's workout done, but I left at 9:40 and still had abs and closing cardio to do. I called Tony to let him know and to check in. He gave me really good advice moving forward and said I could just skip it for today, but in the future I really need to prioritize getting that closing cardio in. I still may try to do the abs and cardio after my 10 am meeting. (Remember the one from yesterday? Yeah, me too.)

I don't know if it's the sun shining so brightly outside, the daffodils and tulips that are now dotted all over our yard or the fact that one of my clients finally got back to me to say that yes, we are going to move forward with the project we had been discussing, but I gotta feeling...woo hoo...that today's gonna be a good day...

Funny how when I'm eating crap food and shortcutting my workouts I feel so crappy and when I am eating well and exercising hardcore, I feel so great. Why do I ever forget that? Let's hope that when Aunt Flow comes to visit this month, she doesn't knock me off my square again like she seems to every month. Just going to appreciate THIS non-PMS day. Hope you guys are all happy!!!

Day 1 - SUCCESS!

2010-04-06T17:12:00.002-04:00

So, after a rocky morning, I can definitely declare today a success. I got to the gym at about 9:15, knowing that I had a FOUR-PAGE workout to finish (a CRIT, no less) and a teleconference to attend beginning at 10 am. Yeah, exactly. How was THAT going to happen.

Instead, I walked for 20 minutes and chatted with my sister, who made me feel infinitely more calm and happy about my current situation. I left the gym with the intent to come back later in the day, only to get pulled over 5 minutes before the teleconference was due to start. Or so I thought. After getting a ticket (downgraded, at least - no points), I got a text from my business partner that the meeting was TOMORROW. Oy. So, I went home and had a protein shake and then went back to the gym. Yes, I did!!! Worked hard for an HOUR AND A HALF...sprinted so fast, I almost puked.

And now, at 5:30 PM I can say I am most of the way through my liquid diet day. Tomorrow is regular food. Yay. Still not stepping on the scale, per Tony D, but I'm sure this will pay off. I know it. So, now it's time to print tomorrow's workout and plan tomorrow's food.

Hope you guys are all doing well out there! Keep it tight!

HA bloody HA! So much for daily blogging...

2010-04-05T21:07:00.003-04:00

I just got back from a week down South visiting friends in South Carolina and hanging with Mom and Bob in Myrtle Beach. Fun, fun, FUN! I worked out, tanned, drank tons of ACV water, and generally did not stress out about "dieting." In fact, at one point, my mom asked me what I was doing as far as dieting and I said, "I'm not. I basically eat the same way I did on Dreambodies, but I'm not obsessive about it. I try to always drink at least 4 L of water a day and I work out." My main thing is to avoid dairy at all costs, which helps keep my skin clear, but even that I refuse to be anal about. I'm not even being militant about avoiding refined sugar anymore. I would say I generally don't eat it. Which means 99% of the time, I don't eat it. That works for me.

All that being said, I'm about to kick things into overdrive, as I have 5 weeks until we go to Italy and I'd love to lean out a bit before we go. I'll keep you guys posted, of course, on how that's going!

Thanks for the nudge back to posting, my friend!

Addicted to food? Or just weak?

2010-03-21T17:02:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure. I do know that I am back to the place in my head where I JUST PROMISED myself I would not allow myself to get back to. The place where the food is calling the shots, driving the bus, making the choices for me. That feels like addiction. Despite my best planning, my best prayers, my best laid intentions, I find myself struggling to right my boat, yet again.

Some tell me to relax. It's hormonal, they say. It's not that deep. You'll get it together, just stay focused. Others tell me to treat this with the same passion and intensity I would use to protect my children. Imagine that eating that first compulsive bite means their little lives, they say. And yet, my gut, my spirit, that voice inside me that tells me what's true (my Higher Power?) says the truth lies somewhere in between.

Truth: I have to just pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going. Bludgeoning myself to death over this misstep isn't going to fix the problem and it may very well give me one more thing I don't feel like feeling for which food could be a quick fix.

Truth: I cannot NOT take it seriously. I have to, at some point, take this whole thing seriously and decide whether I want to be healthy and average (which I am) for the rest of my life, or whether I want to go the next short distance to having the body I always dreamed I could one day have.

Truth: The only person who can get me to the next level is me. And at the end of it all, when it finally clicks in and I make the connection, everything I'm going through, every day like this when I feel like I may never get things back on track, will be an experience I've learned from and one that may help someone else get their very own Dreambody.

'Nuff said. Tomorrow is another day. Hell, I can start my day over anytime I want, so today is another day, for that matter.

I intend to blog daily again, like I did in the beginning, and really chronicle this next phase in my recreation. I'd love to have you join me on the journey.

How I Came to Believe, Reflections of an Almost-40 Mom

2010-03-07T09:29:00.001-05:00

When Robin asked me whether I wanted my very first Motherhood Later blog post to run on March 4th or March 7th, I didn’t hesitate before answering that the 7th would be the perfect day. It’s a day of reflection for me, every year, as it is the anniversary of the day I got sober, 15 years ago. Who would have thought, 15 years ago, when I was sitting in rehab listening to others share their experience, strength and hope about how they accepted that they needed to avoid a drink one day at a time, that I would one day be sharing my experience, strength and hope about being a nearly-40 mom of 3??

Before I got sober, I didn’t really think I would ever have a husband, let alone children, someday, though it was my deepest desire from as far back as I can remember. Sobriety has given me so many gifts, not the least of which being the courage to dream and the faith in a Higher Power and in the fact that He/She can make those dreams come true.

The recovery process is not just about recovery, it’s also about discovery. Over the past 15 years, I have learned ways of discovering what I do and don’t like about myself, what I do and don’t like to do, and who I do and don’t like to do it with. As a result, I have the life of my dreams. I run a business that offers me the financial freedom to travel and enjoy doing the things I love to do, while also giving me the flexibility to spend time with my children. I have a husband who I often look at and think, who is that hot guy? Oh, wait! That’s my husband! I get to go home with him! (And it’s not just me – just the other night at a gig, another singer said, “Is that your husband? WOW – he’s hot!” Yep, and he’s all mine…tee hee.)

In addition to having my own business, I have always had the dream of being a singer. This past year that dream has come even closer to coming true. Before I got sober, I wrote a song about believing in your dreams, and this past year, that song was recorded with a real band (the drummer played for Stevie Wonder!!) and even played on the radio. People tell me that when they hear the song, they tear up with emotion. It makes me feel so good to know that I’m not only realizing my dreams, but touching others in the process.

And of course, the greatest dream I have realized over these past 15 years was to get married to the man of my dreams and have three beautiful, spectacular, breathtakingly wonderful daughters. With my 40th birthday fast approaching, I’m feeling an even more intense desire to continue to follow my dreams not just for my own selfish reasons, but also for them. I have come to the conclusion that the best way to get them to pursue their dreams is for me to pursue mine.

‘Cause if you believe in yourself
Then you don’t need anything or anybody else
If you believe in your dreams, then your dreams will come true
So believe in yourself, as I believe in you.
Believe in Yourself, © 2009 Liimu

I'm exhausted

2010-03-03T21:33:00.003-05:00

But I'm gonna post, anyway.

I feel like I have had a mini-breakthrough, and I am SO excited about it. I have been doing hypnosis MP3s for a couple weeks now, and it really seems to be affecting my willingness in the evening to be conscious of what I'm eating and stay vigilant. The night-time eating has been my downfall, truly. I will be conscientious and eat healthy all day and then as soon as my kids get home, it's a handful of pretzel goldfish here, a tablespoon of almond butter there, and before you know it, I've standing snacked my way out of all the good hard work I did all day.

Well, no more. I'm getting back into the lower 160s and beyond. I'm entering the Spring and Summer fiercer and fitter than I have been since I was in my 20s. I can feel that 2010 is going to be the best year yet, and I will be the best me I have ever been. I know this to be true.

It's been a difficult couple of months for us. It is a challenge to keep my business going during the early part of the year but you know what? I'm working. It is a challenge to keep myself active and upbeat when there is 2-feet of snow on the ground that's nasty gray and dirty from being there for so long, but you know what? I'm working out and I'm staying accountable. My husband, children and I are stir crazy and ready to go bananas from wanting to be able to hang out outside, but you know what? They're still my favorite people in the world (and I think I'm on their short lists, too).

Life is too short to complain and be miserable. I have tons of things I could complain and worry and what if about. But I'd rather what if about the good things the Universe may have in store for me.

What if ... I lost this last 20 pounds and rocked a string bikini this summer?
What if ... all the projects that are potentially coming through CAME THROUGH and I was making mad money every month?
What if ... we had enough money to travel to Italy in May AND go to the shore for a week in August?
What if ... my songs became viral hits on the Internet and we got picked up by a major record label?

What if? And why not?

Dream big, y'all. Cause what you think about, you bring about...

Slacking?

2010-02-25T20:58:00.002-05:00

I'm still here...I've been seriously slacking with the blog posts, I know.

I cannot believe it is snowing...AGAIN. My daughters were let out at 11:30 this morning (I missed the bus drop off - miscalculated and had to drive to their school to get them...felt like the worst mother in the world). We went right from school to the gym, though, a fact of which I am very proud.

I have been working SO hard lately (at work) and have been falling into the trap of rewarding myself with food, or feeling like "I deserve." The way I put it to Tony is that I let food get the best of me. What I need to do is let ME get the best of me.

So, lately, I have been thinking about that when I want to eat something I know I shouldn't eat.

"Am I going to let food get the best of me? Or am I going to get the best of me?"

So far it's working. Will it work all the way to 155? Who knows? But my hope is that it will get me back on track with cardio intervals (I have seriously lost my mojo there, opting for the elliptical every time) and keeping my food squeaky clean. One day at a time, we'll see what happens.

Hope y'all are well. More later.

Loving this time of the month...

2010-02-17T20:45:00.007-05:00

Yeah, RIGHT. I was crowing to a friend of mine yesterday about how proud I was that I had a kick a** workout, despite the nasty PMS attitude I was wearing around me like a comfy old sweater. She said, "Poor baby, a week of PMS and then a week of no sex. It's just not fair for us women." When she put it like that, it made me realize that it's probably way LESS fair for my poor husband who has to endure my nasty attitude (and not just nasty, but completely unpredictable and perhaps borderline psychotic, I vacillate so severely between bit**y and apologetic). And then he is the one who has to wait two weeks for lovin' (cause I ain't even in the mood when I'm PMSing and honestly, he's not particularly feeling my crazy a**, either).

Anyway, add to that the fact that I, like so many others, loosened the reins over Valentine's Day and there's at least a reason why I'm puffy and bloated and carrying around an extra 3-4 pounds than I was a couple weeks ago.

But I'm still here, and I'm still not only getting my workouts in, I'm KILLIN' at the gym. I'm drinking all my water and I'm eating clean. I'm also getting good work done and staying in a pretty positive, yet practical mindset about this slow season I'm in. January and February generally just SUCK in my line of work because no one really knows what they have as far as budget and even if they do, they don't want to spend it unless they have to. By May or June, when projects are really looking like they won't get done with internal resources, that's when they decide, okay, we have to. Bring in the cavalry. That's me. The cavalry. :)

Still plugging away getting ready for the show on the 27th. I love my band, and we're going to have SO much fun, no matter what may come of it and no matter who shows up. If you're in the Philly area that weekend, come on through! Fluid Nightclub, 616 S. 4th Street, from 6 to 9 pm. Hope to see you there!

In the meantime, they're calling for another foot of snow on Monday. I just had to steal this from Tea's blog.

Is it a dream or a calling?

2010-02-09T06:33:00.005-05:00

The past couple of days, I've been letting myself settle into the idea of giving the music a break. Those of you who know me outside of cyberspace (and some of you who don't) know that for the past year or so I've had somewhat of a resurgence of my music career, which I thought was pretty much dead and buried after I got married and had kids.

Back in 2007, I had the blessed opportunity to participate as a lead soloist on Patti Labelle's choir on the NBC reality show, "Clash of the Choirs." My rendition of Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel" was seen by 10 million viewers around the world, and the YouTube of it has been viewed over 20,000 times! Last year, when business was slow, I started poking around Facebook and got connected with one of Patti's producers, who convinced me that I could still make a go of this. Since last April, I have done a half-dozen showcases, have written over 20 songs (6 of which I've performed to rave reviews) and am almost finished recording my first studio EP.

The thing is, I also own my own business, and it's obviously a major part of the financial equation for my family. So, essentially I now feel like in order to make these two things succeed, I have to go 80 mph in two entirely different directions. So, lately I've been walking around seeing how it feels to settle into the idea of not doing the music as much. Here's where it gets kinda wild. This morning, I sat down to read the three meditation books I read every morning and every single one was about following your dreams and relying on God and His angels as the source of all power, sweeping away the fears and doubts and allowing Him to fan the flames of the deepest heart's desires and passions. Umm...okay...

I don't know about you, but I take that as a sign. I'm just gonna keep doing what's in front of me each day. In a couple weeks, we are doing a fundraiser for a local school. On the 27th, we're doing a concert at a nightclub in Center City that will raise money for Philabundance, the largest organization combating hunger in the tristate area (PA, NJ and DE). I refuse to let fear take the wheel and drive this bus, when I know who really needs to be driving. So, I say again...

"Jesus, take the wheel."

Love to all,

Liimu

Reach for the moon...

2010-02-02T17:38:00.005-05:00

Because even if you fall short, you'll still be dancing among the stars. That is what I have always tried to do, despite friends and family often thinking I'm taking on too much, or spreading myself too thin or dreaming too big.

I started my own business two years ago this month, and it has not only been the source of a six-figure income since the very beginning, it has afforded me the flexibility to travel, to spend time with my kids and to work from home almost 100% of the time. Not too shabby.
I've embarked on a singing career. So, I'm not multi-platinum yet or nominated for any Grammy awards. I've recorded two songs, and am working on the third and fourth, all of which I hope to have on iTunes by the Spring and I have been getting recognition for my songwriting skills by folks all around Philadelphia. An even bigger bonus by product is that it has revealed that my husband and I are a great songwriting duo (the new Ashford & Simpson?) and has laid the foundation for him finally finding the career of HIS dreams.
Finally, my fitness path - okay, so I'm still hovering within the same five-pound range I've been in since January of last year. But how's that for a miracle? I didn't gain any weight at all last year! And I'm set to finally achieve my goals this year, closer than I've been in years. More than that, my skin is finally clear, my muscles are taking shape and I am happy with my body and only getting happier.

I did set up my star chart today. I really like it, too. I have set up rewards for getting to Friday with no misbehaving, rewards for getting through the weekend, and super rewards for getting through the entire month. Just like my daughter - and if it can work for her, it should be able to work for me, too! Here's what it looks like:

I'll keep you guys posted on how I do with it. Tony has been right there with me, calling me and texting me to make sure I'm on point. I feel grateful I have his support, and the support of my dear friend Jacquie, who also texts me all day and keeps me accountable. It's going to be a wonderful spring and summer. Thanks to all you guys for the votes of confidence! Oh, and if anyone wants a copy of my star reward chart for yourself to use, let me know!!

For now, off to make spaghetti for the girls and salmon and greens for me. Then have to wash their hair (bleah...) and then to BED, finally. I was in the studio until 11 pm last night, so I am WRECKED (i.e., beat).

Till tomorrow...

Lii

I need a time out.

2010-01-31T20:56:00.003-05:00

Someone really needs to give me a timeout. For real.

I was going along on my merry little way...chip chip chipping my way down into the 150s - finally (haven't been there since before I got married and had kids) - and out of nowhere, I get knocked on my behind and off my square.

Each day of this weekend got progressively worse, eating-wise, and although I woke every morning and said my intention prayers and envisioned myself having a great day, and got to the gym and had intense workouts, by 3 pm each day, I was face-down in whatever salty snacks I could find.

I'm not sure why I am sabotaging my own success. I want to get back on track. I'm thinking maybe what I need to do is apply the same principles to myself that have proven successful with my 6-year old.

Last month, we found that her transition to Kindergarten was not as smooth as we had hoped. After getting notes sent home from the bus driver, her music teacher, her teacher and finally a call from the principal (followed by her getting sent home early), I instituted a Star Award program to incentivize her good behavior. For each day that she exhibits good behavior (or at least doesn't get in trouble), she gets star. If she gets a star each day of the week for one whole week, she gets to have a playdate. If she manages to get through the whole entire month with no incidents, she gets what I am calling a Super Playdate - to Chuck E Cheese, or the movies, bowling or ice skating...you get the idea.

So, tomorrow is February 1. A perfect day to start my own Star Reward program. For me, there will be a separate reward for making it through each week (M-F) and weekend (Sa-Su). If I make it through the week, I'll get something special (a couple magazines, a manicure, etc.). If I make it through the weekend, same thing. When I make it through an entire month - a big reward - a massage, an outfit, etc. I'm even going to use a calendar and put my own gold stars on there for each day.

Hey, if it works for my 6-year old, why shouldn't it work for me? :)

When life gives you lemons...

2010-01-21T12:05:00.003-05:00

...you squirt a few drops of juice in some water, add ACV and stevia and get your behind to the GYM.

This morning, I felt like everything that could go wrong WAS going wrong. I don't know why, but even though we left the house with plenty of time, we got stuck at every red light and almost missed the bus. My poor 7-year old was rushing to get out of the car and hit my second liter of ACV water, it fell out of the car and splashed to the ground. I couldn't get a hold of my husband to see if he'd left the door open for the cleaning lady, so I went back to the house. Everything in me wanted to just skip it. And yet, I went anyway. Was it the best workout ever? No way. My machine was losing battery power while I worked out, and OH WELL. I kept going, anyway. Midway through the workout, Aunt Flow decided to finally rear her ugly a** head. I kept going, anyway.

And now, I'm trying to get work done, and everything seems to be going wrong. And guess what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna keep going anyway.

165.1 this morning. 161 by the end of the month. I'm DETERMINED to reach that goal.

Did you just call me out?

2010-01-20T21:30:00.003-05:00

OK, fair enough. It's been a week. More than a week. And I haven't posted. But you know why?

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN BUSY!! Yay, me!! This year is starting off with a HUGE bang. I am SO excited and optimistic about what is coming down the pike.

But seriously, I have been really struggling with hormones and wish TOM would just go ahead and come already. That being said, I have managed to keep it together fairly well and hope to achieve my goal for this month. Fingers crossed. Tony wanted me to be closer to the goal by today. Has anyone out there ever talked to him about the hormonal impacts on weight loss? It's just not realistic for me to lose 2 lbs a week consistently. My body doesn't work that way.

OK, well, there you have it. I posted. Signed in. Present and accounted for. Not really much to say otherwise. I'll keep you posted.

Hanging on, hanging in!

2010-01-12T16:48:00.002-05:00

OK, so yesterday I gave in to some salt cravings but today is a new day. Tony wants to see me lose two pounds by next Wednesday. It doesn't help that I was up a pound this morning. Dang water retention.

But today was SUCH a good day! First of all, I've already downed 4 liters and had a killer workout. I did squats with 135 lbs and leg presses with 500 lbs, then I did my ending cardio like this:

Minutes 1-5, 30 sec at 4 mph, 30 sec at 7 mph
Minutes 6-10, 30 sec at 4 mph, 30 sec at 8 mph
Minute 9, 30 sec at 4 mph, 30 sec at 9 mph
Minute 10, 30 sec at 4 mph, 30 sec at 10 mph.

Woo hoo!

And then, I did all this:

Dismantled the tree, put it out and put the decorations up in the attic (with some help)
Finished three documents for one client
Finished drafting another new document for another client
Sent off the last of the 2 birthday invitations for Amelia
Emptied the dishwasher
Cleaned up the living room (with some help)
Called Verizon about my rebate

I could go on and on...I was on FIYAH!!! Then tonight, I made a homemade protein bar. It was kinda nasty, so I'm gonna buy some chocolate Better 'N Butter at the new Whole Foods tomorrow and see if I can doctor it up and salvage it. I can't have regular protein bars because I'm off all dairy, including whey. Say what you want, my skin is almost COMPLETELY clear! It's just a matter of time before my skin is flawless (like my children's skin, if I'm lucky)!

Oh, and guess what else? Pretty soon I'm gonna be a regular guest blogger on a website of a friend of mine...www.motherhoodlater.com. I hope you'll come check me out! Stay tuned!

I watched a movie!!!

2010-01-10T21:29:00.004-05:00

And that's it! For the first time, in I cannot remember how long, I went to the movies and I didn't have popcorn or diet soda for the first time! I had my ACV drink and my clean DB approved snack. (Yes, I smuggled it in.) The entire time we were in the movies (seeing Alvin and the Chipmunks 2, and it was awesome), I had my 3-year old in my lap and several times I actually picked popcorn out of her bag and PUT IT BACK. Not a single kernel passed my lips. I cannot believe it even now. This is a huge milestone for me, as going to the movies has always been a huge trigger. This time I just watched the movie, and I really enjoyed it.

I think I may actually make it to the 150s this time! My goals is 145, and if I could get there by my 40th birthday that would be the best present I could ever possibly get!

And my body is changing! I had a photo shoot last week, and my stylist bought size 10 and size small outfits, and they fit! And last night, I got all dolled up to go to my friend's birthday party and when my husband took the photo, I was thrilled to see it!

Hope everyone else is having a great day!

As I suspected 2010 is gonna ROCK!!!

2010-01-08T21:29:00.002-05:00

OK, for those of you who aren't on Facebook, we have another GIG on February 27! If you're in the Philadelphia area, please come on through!

Tons of cool stuff happening already this year. I just had an awesome photo shoot last night. And guess what? My stylist bought all the clothes, and I was sliding easily into Express size 10 suits and dresses! WHAT? How wild is that??? I have 20 pounds to go and I'm rockin' size 10s? Does that mean I'm going to be a nice size 6 when all is said and done? How wild would that be???

I'm truly in a zone these days. Am I 100% clean? No, I have to admit that I am not. But probably 90% clean, and no cheats planned until probably Valentine's Day. A nice dinner and night with hubby. Hopefully by then, I will be solidly in the 150s.

This morning, I was 164.1. That means I am down a full SIX pounds since I got home from California on New Year's Day. Amazing. I'm weighing less than I did before the holiday!

This is my year. Work is going well - I know I'm going to have a good and lucrative year. The singing is taking off like wildfire. I'm having a wonderful year in all areas except my family. My brother is in the hospital, I just found out a couple days ago. I hope you guys will keep him in prayer.

OK, back to "Jersey Shore" and then off to bed. Have a great night, everyone!

Blessed to be binge-free!!!

2010-01-04T22:04:00.003-05:00

I have so many things to be thankful for. A wonderful husband and three beautiful daughters (shown here with Mary Poppins...not me), a lovely home, a successful business and a budding music career. Add to the list that I now have health and fitness in my life and everything is finally feeling like it is as it should be.

I was away for 10 days over Christmas and New Years, with my children and husband who ate whatever they wanted and did not exercise, not one single time. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I did not plan to binge over the holiday. And guess what happened?

I didn't binge.

I am actually pretty much exactly where I was before the holiday just a couple days into January. I gained maybe 2 pounds? What the heck? You gotta realize, I am someone who just thinks about eating certain foods and gains weight. I gained EIGHT POUNDS over the four-day Thanksgiving holiday!!! Two pounds? Two pounds? Two pounds is NOTHING!

So, yeah, I am grateful. I am grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life, the wonderful people, the support, the relationship I have developed with God, my job, my singing/songwriting, and I am grateful for having a sane relationship with my body and food...just for today.

My resolution for this year

2010-01-02T00:02:00.002-05:00

...is not to make any resolutions.

I choose to make goals, instead. The nice thing about making goals is that you can make progress, without an all or nothing, without straight success/failure. I have had years where I have achieved more than I realized, and years where I realized halfway through that I didn't want to achieve the goals I thought I did, and where I achieved goals I hadn't even known I had.

This year, I have a lot of goals that I'm excited to achieve: finishing my CD, bringing business to my consulting company so I can pay down our credit card debt, finally getting to my goal weight. This year is going to be A....MAAAA....ZING. Guaranteed.

It was a great holiday. Hubby got me my very own iPod Touch, so I downloaded apps to help with my fitness goals. Can't wait to share with you guys my success as I achieve it!!

A GREAT weekend!!!

2009-12-20T20:58:00.002-05:00

I did it! I had a great weekend, despite the snow and ice. Saturday, I went to the gym before we got hit with two feet of snow. Today, I was snowed in and couldn't make it to the gym, and I texted Tony and got the OK to shovel snow instead of the back workout I had planned to do. Shoveling for an hour was WAY harder, I think. I was covered in sweat and achey all over when I was done. Our driveway is about 100 yards long. Seriously.

I kept my food pretty clean and I am really optimistic about what the scale will show tomorrow. My goal is to be down to 163 by Christmas and to stay there through the holiday. I was successful at the grocery store today...had some gluten-free snacks in my grocery cart (supposedly for the plane ride...on Wednesday) and I thought better of it and put them back.

My only thing is how much I have to do between now and when we leave, between Christmas stuff and stuff for work. I'm just hopeful I can get to the gym every day. Yikes. Saying prayers for that, that things will just get canceled here and there, leaving space in my day to get it all done. :)

Hope you guys are all having a great holiday!

The WORLD is a stage...

2009-12-19T17:08:00.003-05:00

Well, first, may I just say that I am SO glad I worked out this morning before the snow got too bad. I had a killer workout, too. Seated behind-the-head tricep presses with a 50lb barbell. Overhead tricep extensions with 90 lbs. When I was done my set of 6, some guy actually applauded. I was like, "You know, I always hear that in my head. I never thought I'd actually hear it out loud!" Tee hee!

I'm on a roll...really enjoying being back in the zone. As of this writing, I have eaten 100% clean, have worked out hard, and am working on liter #5. That's right. Liter #5. Take THAT, 160s! I was 165 on the nose this morning, and I am hoping to see 164 or less tomorrow. Boo ya!!!

And so finally...MOVEMENT!!!

2009-12-12T17:42:00.002-05:00

Oh man... I am SO excited that after a YEAR of dancing around 170, the scale is finally my friend, and is finally consistently moving toward the 150s! I have not seen the 150s since my WEDDING day, because then we went on our honeymoon and less than a month after we got back, we were preggo. I cannot believe I am finally back to my original pre-pregnancy weight. Thank you, TONY D!

I'm trying hard to stay in the Monday mentality all weekend long so I can hold on to this amazing loss and be solidly in the low 160s when we ring in 2010. OK - off to play Wow! Wow! Wubbzy with my 5-year old. Weekend fun!

Love, Liimu

What am I waiting for??

2009-12-11T21:58:00.003-05:00

Why has it been almost a week since my last confession? I mean, er...since I last posted??

I've been doing really well. Really, really well. I cannot believe how well I've been doing, considering we are in the thick of what my friend Peg calls "The Trifecta" (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years). My critical period has actually usually started on Halloween, so I consider myself more than halfway through it.

Tony has been really supportive, and I think maybe equally helpful has been my accountability partner, Jacquie. If she had a blog, I'd link to it (calling you out, girl...), but really...it has made a huge difference having someone who's basically at the same point in the journey checking in on a regular basis, calling me out when I'm bullshi**ing myself into having something I know I'm not supposed to be having, cheering me on as the scale moves in the right direction, etc., etc.

Funny thing happened the other day that I wanted to share with you guys. I was with a friend trying on clothes and this one particular suit fit kind of tight, but still looked good. I told her I was okay with it, since I knew I'd be smaller soon (I already am finding my size 10s loose where a couple weeks ago I couldn't even fit them). She just laughed and said, "Yeah, that's what we all say." I didn't say anything, but what I was thinking is, "That maybe what we all say, but it's what I actually do."

What I'm curious about is why do we do that to each other? Why do we second guess the positive affirmations of others? Why do we slap our own fears and insecurities on other people who dare to dream? I don't know...but what I do know is that I am going to continue to dream and dream BIG, and I'm not going to let anyone plant the seed of doubt in my head as to whether or not my dreams will come true.

Because you see...they already are.

What are your dreams? And who are your dreamkillers? Step carefully around them...love them from afar...and keep your dreams safe and in tact. If you believe them, and take steps to achieve them, before too long they'll have come true.

Happy birthday, daddy...

2009-12-07T21:28:00.003-05:00

This year was the 20th anniversary of my father's death. Today is his birthday. I'm not sure if it's because I've been singing "Believe in Yourself," so much lately - the song I wrote the week he died - but I have really been missing him this year. It felt today like it was just yesterday that he was here.

The day my father died, I swore I heard him say:
"Beloved, don't you cry, for I'm not far away.
Just keep your honesty
The truth will set you free
And follow all your dreams of who you long to be
Cause if you believe in yourself
Then you don't need anything, or anybody else
And if you believe in your dreams
Then your dreams will come true
So believe in yourself, as I believe in you."

I had a recording session today, recording yep...you guessed it, "Believe in Yourself." Amazing session - we were done in two takes. Go figure.

It was just a weird and wonderful day. I had a great workout, drank 5 liters of water, and food was clean. Now I'm off to bed nice and early so I can get up just before 6 am and call my friend who moved to Australia.

Work is crazy busy....life is good. I'm just so grateful for everything with which God has blessed me. I continue to have faith and move forward. God takes care of the rest.

Today's update

2009-12-06T21:06:00.002-05:00

I guess it was more like a Thursday than a Monday, as far as how clean my food was, but let me tell you - I am THRILLED with how I did tonight given the fact that I survived our Christmas tree and stuff (I ALWAYS have egg nog and cookies during that little tradition) and didn't have anything when hubby was eating holiday cookies and stromboli for dinner - something I am almost never able to resist having at least a bite of.

I'm really doing well. Tony wanted me to do extra cardio today, but he didn't tell me until I was already dressed for church. When I told him that, he acquiesced. I sent him a bunch of low-carb, non-dairy options for a protein bar. I really think if he could give me something like that, I could actually get to 100% clean. Ah, you know what? I'm gonna be 100% clean, regardless. If he approves something like that, it will just make it easier.

I am on my way to 159, then 145 beyond then. I have my sights SET on it. As for this week, I would be happy to see 165. That's the goal for December 11. I have my workout printed for tomorrow (legs) and will make sure I get all my water in. OK - back to my book. Gotta try not to watch "War of the Worlds," which is one of my husband's favorite movies. Unfortunately, it is incredibly creepy and would definitely give me nightmares if I paid it too much attention. Yuck.

Good night, everyone.

Thank God for the little things, even when it seems like the little things are all you have.

TGIM!!!

2009-12-05T21:00:00.003-05:00

So, Tony came down on me pretty tough for the fact that I have basically gained and lost the same five pounds for the past YEAR. He said that I need to get the mentality that every day is Monday. What does this mean?

You guys all know the fervor you have for a new program or weight-loss regimen on Monday, especially after a weekend of saying, "Ah, whatever...I'll get back on track on Monday." Well, Tony's point is if somehow, I can convince myself that it's Monday on the especially difficult days (that is, Friday - Sunday), then I can finally break through this barrier I've been bumping up against for months and get through to the next level (that is, the 150s).

So, today was my first day giving it a try. Pretty good...not quite Monday-level clean, but WAY better than Fridays and Saturdays past. Tomorrow's Sunday, and Tony gave me the day off. YIPPEE!!! But it will still be Monday, and then...it's Monday! Piece of cake...I mean, er...piece of fruit!

Hope you guys are all having a great weekend. I'll check in on Monday!

So sad... for so many reasons...

2009-12-02T21:38:00.004-05:00

First and foremost, I have to share with you guys that one of my dearest friends, the closest thing I have ever had to a little sister, is leaving me - moving to Australia with her family from here in Pennsylvania. It is so sad, because it is such a long flight, the chances of us being able to plan for me to come see her on a regular basis are slim to none. However, we will be talking twice a week, and we are even going to try to plan an annual trip somewhere midway between there and here. It will be fine, but that didn't keep me from bursting into tears sporadically throughout the day.

OK - so that's what I'm really sad about. On a lighter note, I'm also sad because I can no longer have the sugar-free popsicles or Supreme Protein bars that Tony approved. I really thought I was home free, knowing that I could have those treats. Unfortunately, they are chock full of dairy and so my skin is going berserk. It is not worth it. Just not worth it. So, I've got a message in to Tony to see if I can eat the CLIF Builder bar, instead. SO yummy, and dairy-free! We will see what he says.

The best news is I am still solidly on track. I even managed to squeeze an extra hour of cardio in this morning. How surprised was I to see that tomorrow's workout is 90 minutes of cardio? I hope the weather is nice enough for me to just head out to the trail and run 7-8 miles. I love running so so much.

I guess that's it for now. I have a long day tomorrow - a 90 minute run, followed by a three-hour studio session. My third session in as many days. We are hoping to have three songs done by Monday so my producer can give something to a prospective sponsor (which will hopefully secure us the funding to finish the CD and schedule the tour), and so he has something amazing to bring to LA next week when he goes to meet with various industry people.

Facebook users, enjoy this clip from the November 21 showcase. And if you are in the Philadelphia area, come check us out on December 4!!!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1299314522669#/home.php?ref=home

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!

Take care, everyone!

Love, Liimu

Tired, but still plugging away

2009-12-01T21:36:00.002-05:00

I made a commitment to someone to run in the morning. Man, I'm tired, but I am always glad when I make that commitment and even moreso once I've fulfilled it. So, yay.

Day 2 of recommitting and feeling back on track. I made a promise that I would stay clean, 100% and I am determined to stick with it. 159, here I come!

I'm exhausted and getting up before 6 am. Good night!

A great day!

2009-11-30T22:17:00.002-05:00

And Tony's call came right at the perfect time in the midst of it all. I'm completely back on track, ate clean, worked out hard, seriously stayed to the plan completely and 100%. And in the midst of it all, Tony calls and says he really wants me to stay 100% focused, no diversion from the plan, until Christmas Eve, and can I do it?

I don't know if I can, but I think so. I don't know if I can, but I'm willing to try. I don't know if I can, but I sure do appreciate how much he believes in me, and how much he wants me to succeed.

PLUS, he sanctioned something brand new for the first time - PROTEIN BARS. He recommended this amazing protein bar: Supreme Protein.

I tried the Peanut Butter Crunch tonight, and YUM! Unbelievable! Like a freakin' Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!!! I'm in lurrrv.

If I can have these things, I can really do this! I REALLY CAN!

I'm ba-a-a-ck!! (In more ways than one...)

2009-11-29T13:12:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone,

Sorry to say I succumbed and ate and managed to gain EIGHT POUNDS in three days. Bwahahaha....that's a laugh. I ate a lot, but no way did I eat 30,000 extra calories! So, back on track today. Have eaten clean all day today, and finished a tricep/bicep/abs workout, Tony style about an hour ago.

This is the fun part. Even though I hate that I slipped so far backward, it is really fun to watch the scale go down when I get myself back on track. (Boy, I really need to clean out this keyboard.)

The girls and I are going to see the Michael Jackson movie tonight, I think. Then, we might get a Christmas tree. Fun!

Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!

Ugh.

2009-11-27T16:19:00.002-05:00

Didn't do as well as I thought I would. If it weren't for desserts, I'd be fine. But alas, they are everywhere. And I'm still at my mother-in-law's house, so still struggling to get back on track. I have been drinking water, though, and I did get up and ran 5 miles this morning.

Better than nothing.

Tomorrow's Turkey Day!!

2009-11-25T22:07:00.002-05:00

There's a good chance I will have met my goal of being 165 by tomorrow. As far as I'm concerned, 165. anything works for me!! 165.9? Counts. :)

Pretty good day today. I took the girls to the gym, then the Please Touch Museum, then we went and took photos with Santa. I could post them here, but I'd rather wait until closer to Christmas.

I did bake tonight - brownies and chocolate chip cookies. I had a couple fingers full of icing, but otherwise, exhibited restraint.

OK, I'm going to bed before I start getting hungry. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! It's going to be rainy here, which cancels out my plans to run 5 miles on my favorite trail tomorrow. Ploo.

Is it possible?

2009-11-25T06:04:00.002-05:00

Can a person do Thanksgiving and NOT gain weight? I'm really tossing that around in my head. Yesterday, I was at the gym and was talking with a friend of mine while we ran on the treadmill (well, HE ran...I did Tony's walk/run) and I told him that I'm starting tomorrow with a 5-mile run. He said, yeah, I have to do something to offset the 4 or 5,000 calories I'll be eating that day.

Why do I have to assume that I'm going to eat that much? I have to believe that there are people out there that eat healthy the whole day, then have a plate of food at Thanksgiving, trying a little of everything, maybe, then have a small dessert, then go to bed. Is it possible that I could be one of those people? And then, here's the REAL question: can I start back on Friday with the plan I have been on all week?

I hope so, I really hope so. Because I am 166.9 pounds this morning WITH my period. That means, if I keep drinking water like mad and keep my food reasonable through the holiday, I could be SOLIDLY under 165 by this time next week. But I also know that I, like so many others, have gained 5-10 pounds over the Thanksgiving holiday in years past. I also know that I, like so many others, have found it very hard to get back on track until well after New Year's when I have allowed my resolve to slip on Thanksgiving day.

So, how about it? Is it possible to treat Thanksgiving day like every other day I've eaten slightly more than usual and the day after Thanksgiving like every Monday after?

I know it's possible. And this year, I'm making my New Year's resolution early. Because I'm not going to let this holiday be about anything other than giving thanks. And one of the things I'm most thankful for is the sanity I've been given as a result of eating healthy most of the time.

How about you? Can you challenge the assumption that the holiday season has to be about gaining 10 pounds only to lose it again come January? What if you started the new year 5 or 10 pounds closer to your goal, rather than further away from it? How would that feel? Let it settle into your bones and become a reality. People are doing it all over the world. You have the choice to be among them.

I know I will.

Doing great!

2009-11-23T20:52:00.002-05:00

So, I did slip up on Friday night, BUT I told Tony about it and he just had me do an extra hour of cardio Saturday morning. Saturday night I had my showcase, and it was OFF THE CHAIN! The place was packed and the energy was unbelievable. We had such a fantastic time, and I got a standing ovation at the end!!! Totally wonderful!

Then, after just four hours of sleep, I went ahead and kept my commitment of running the half marathon. Every year, I run a 10-mile run in the Spring (the Broad Street Run) and a half-marathon in the Fall. I ran the half marathon in 2:32:39. A couple minutes slower than last year, but not bad, considering I was so sleep-deprived!

My girls are home for Thanksgiving and we have lots of cool stuff planned. We went to see Planet 51 today, which was cute. I checked in with Tony and got permission for microwave popcorn. SO proud of myself for doing the movies the "right" way.

I really feel like I'm on to something. Even Thanksgiving isn't looming off in the distance in a scary way this year. I will bring some healthy side dishes - a big salad, some soup maybe - and some authorized desserts from Whole Foods. And then Friday, up and at 'em.

I love being healthy. I really, really do!

Take care, everyone. Hope you're enjoying your holiday week!

Quick post

2009-11-20T17:35:00.003-05:00

On my way to "movie night" with my girls and their friends. Super psyched - I love hanging with these people. I have to make sure that I keep my food clean, though. Visiting with friends is a trigger, as is watching movies.

167 this morning. I'm still determined to see the 150s by January 1. Let's GO!

Good workout today, not great. Added a 3 mile run and 1 mile walk, which should also help. I'm getting ready to fill up liter number 4. That ought to do it for today.

Oh, and two days till the half marathon. YEAH baby! Tomorrow's my showcase, and then finishing my last long run of the year. WOO HOO!

Just getting my post in for today...

2009-11-18T19:08:00.002-05:00

Today was so different from yesterday. It was all I could do to get the food in today. I had to get my middle daughter down to CHOP by 7:45 am, and all I brought with me was an apple. Of course, by the time we left after 11 am, I was starving, so I bought a protein bar. Not the best choice, but not the worst.

Then, I went to the gym (and had a great workout) and so I didn't get to my first meal (MRP w/glutamine) until 1:30 pm!! So, you know what that means. My egg whites and oatmeal were at about FOUR pm. Ugh. Anyway, I did have a few rice thins and hummus while I was making dinner, but then dinner was healthy - turkey meatloaf and green beans (and about 1/4 cup of brown rice). Again, not a perfect day, but a REALLY GOOD DAY. So, tomorrow I'm planning to take the girls to the gym after they get home from school. I have a meeting in Delaware, more than an hour away, at 9 am. For a new project! Yay!

Tony said he wants me to weigh in on Monday, after the race. I have to find out if he'll let me have my regular pre-race meal - cinnamon raisin bagel w/peanut butter. I sure hope so.

Tomorrow should be fun - after my meeting, I'm heading to my aesthetician's house for a facial treatment, and to talk about hair and make up for Saturday! I'm also bringing all my wardrobe options so she can help me decide what I should wear. FUN!

More tomorrow!!

I don't have to do everything right.

2009-11-17T19:44:00.003-05:00

Just more things right than wrong.

Today was a weird day. I had my two older girls home with the same thing the baby had yesterday. I was tired and cranky and craving salt and sugar all day before I realized I must be premenstrual. So, I didn't work out. And my food wasn't 100% clean. But I didn't use that as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted (I'm having a protein shake for my last meal of the day). I also drank ALL my water - all 4 liters. I'm actually pretty proud of myself.

So, tomorrow is another day and I'm still accountable. I will print out my workout tonight, and I will plan my food for tomorrow. I will get to the 140s. I WILL!

Oh and PS if you ever feel bloated and disgusting, buy some SEXY SHOES. It does wonders! I bought some for Saturday night. Woo hoo!

A much better day...

2009-11-16T20:15:00.005-05:00

Have I mentioned lately how incredibly SICK and TIRED I am of cold/flu season? Hubby and I went away for our anniversary last weekend, and our 3 year old woke up Sunday puking. Today, our 5 year old was sent home because she threw up at recess, and since I received the call she has puked SIX additional times.

Unbelievable, and I have to admit that I find the stress of parenting to be a huge trigger. It makes me want to eat...anything and everything. Despite that, my food was relatively clean today. There is room for improvement, so I commit to planning my food in advance of tomorrow and making it squeaky clean. I even downloaded my workout already and am happy to see that it's exercises I can do at home. Love shoulders day. So, once I get my little one settled after I take the other two to school, I will hit the "gym" in my laundry room. I WILL get my workout in tomorrow. I will even try to get my 3 mile run in, maybe at 6 am before everyone gets up, or maybe in the afternoon after my 2 pm meeting.

I was 170 this morning, but fully expect to see 168 tomorrow. My goal is to be 165 by Thanksgiving day, to keep Thanksgiving eating reasonable, so I can still meet my goal of being under 160 by New Year's Day.

Keeping it honest, keeping it real. I know blogging here and being accountable to all of you really helps. Thanks again, to Tea and Melissa and EVERYONE who calls me out when I neglect to post daily to let you know how I'm doing. KEEP ME HONEST!

I am thrilled to report that work is picking up, and my sitter did a fabulous job over the weekend with the girls. Can you say, Caribbean Valentine's day weekend? I can...I can not only SAY it, I can PLAN for it. If I meet my goals, that's exactly what my reward is going to be. Bikini on the beach, February 2010!!!

OK, so I fell off again a bit...

2009-11-15T19:47:00.002-05:00

But not entirely, and I'm proud of that. This past weekend was my anniversary going away celebration with hubby (we stayed down in Center City and shopped and ate and enjoyed each other), and I did enjoy myself. I also worked out on Saturday and ran 8 miles this morning, drank a ton of water (yesterday...not much today) and walked for about 6 hours yesterday. I also made pretty decent choices, where in former times I would have thrown caution to the wind and just gone berserk with it. So, I'm pretty happy about that.

All that being said, it was still frustrating when we were shopping at Guess, where the largest size they carry is a size 9 and I just barely was able to fit into it. I don't want to be limited by what's flattering or what fits me. I want to buy clothes because I do or don't like them.

So, hubby and I are recommitting tomorrow. I am dead set on losing 20 pounds and being a solid size 6 by my 40th birthday. I have 6 months to do it.

I will begin again and blog post daily. This definitely helps me to stay accountable. Thanks, Tea, for calling me out. And as Wendy Williams would say, How YOU doin?

Day 2 - Killin' it!

2009-11-10T18:20:00.002-05:00

Wow. Go, me!

So, this morning I was supposed to get up and run with a friend and she got called into work at the ungodly hour of 4:30 am (gotta love those European clients...no offense, people). Since I was already up when I got her text at 5:15, I decided to go ahead and head over to the gym, which means I was able to get my Dreambodies workout done by 7:15 am. I did a great job, too - jogging a slow 4.5 mph pace for the first 10 minutes, then pushing my shoulders hard, followed by 10 min of walk/run intervals - 1 min 4 mph, 45 sec 6 mph, 15 sec 8 mph. I love it when I don't cut corners. Then, because I promised myself (and Tony) I would do my extra cardio runs Tue/Thu/Sat/Sun, I went back to the gym and ran 3 miles in 35 minutes.

The nice thing about this was that I had the entire day free to work - I own my own business and I'm submitting a response to a Request for Proposal on Friday. I got a lot done, in fact got the entire technical portion completed. All I have to do is the cost proposal. So, when another friend called me today to see if I might want to run 6 miles tomorrow, I said, sure! I'll do that instead of my Tuesday run. A run in the hand is worth two in the bush....or something like that.

My food has been squeaky clean, too. I made popcorn for my kids tonight and was tempted, but didn't have any. Was trying to get my 3-year old to eat her burger and started to justify taking a bite, and then I knew that if I went there, there would be no end to the cheats. I'm really doing it this time.

And it feels GREAT!!

If you've ever felt like you couldn't do it, if you've ever lost your fire, I'm here to say...KEEP PLUGGING AWAY AT IT! The only way you can fail is if you GIVE UP. Keep following me...watch me ... after all these many months... watch me SUCCEED! I've already succeeded, because I'm here and I'm in this to WIN IT!

Day 1 - SUCCESS!

2009-11-09T15:58:00.003-05:00

OK, so it's only 4 pm, but I just had to report that I'm doing GREAT so far!

Oh! I forgot to do pics and measurements for Tony...oops. But I have eaten 100% clean. (Lunch was nasty - plain chicken breast and broccoli. Won't be doing that again.) I went to the gym after I dropped the girls off at school and wowsee wow! I had a great workout!

So, it's on, yo. I have 25 pounds to lose and I am determined to lose it by my next birthday (May 2010), which is when my most recent renewal with Tony runs out. Somewhere around then.

I found out today that my Dreambodies hubby is scarfing cookies in secret. Meanwhile, he's STILL lost 15 pounds since starting with Tony. Hmph. How is this fair? I gain 5 pounds from eating too large a serving of egg whites. He has a secret stash of Oreos behind the oatmeal and still manages to lose weight.

Hmph.

Oh, well. Life isn't fair, I suppose. And hey, at least I get to be married to him! Tee hee!

I'm READY!!!

2009-11-08T20:56:00.003-05:00

I don't know what happened on Halloween, but I lost my mojo...WAY lost it. I am back up to 171 as of this morning, and so you know what?

I'm taking a DO-OVER.

I went back to my posts from the beginning of my Dreambodies journey, and I had such a passion, such a willingness to do whatever Tony asked of me. I don't know when I started thinking I could come up with a better plan than he could, but I'm DONE with that. I'm back to not only induction eating and working out, I'm back to posting here every day with how I'm doing.

I e-mailed Tony and told him I was going to send him before pictures, and starting weight and measurements as if this were week 1. As far as I'm concerned, it is. I've signed up for another 6 months with him, and I should definitely be able to get this last 25 pounds off in that amount of time. That's basically a pound a week. No problem.

So, here we go, everyone. This will be hard, this will be interesting, this will be FUN! I'm ready to get my dreambody. You ready to see it happen? If not, get ready! Cause, here we gooooo...!

PS A fresh start calls for a fresh look, wouldn't you agree? :)

Progress, not perfection...

2009-10-31T20:39:00.004-04:00

So, it's Halloween. It's Halloween, and I took the girls to the movies (and to Burger King, I think for the first time in their lives.)

I have to admit that I had my first deviation from the elimination detox diet. Halloween is the first day of the hardest time of year, from a diet perspective, at least as far as I'm concerned. From Halloween through New Year's, it is basically a free-for-all. Magazines, television, everyone's mindset is about partying, eating, drinking, doing whatever. While we were trick or treating tonight, every other person who answered the door had a mouthful of chocolate.

I honestly feel like it's a big money-making machine. Ply people with temptation, images, messages that you can eat whatever you want, that it's allowed, that it's even expected that you would eat a dozen 100 calorie chocolate snacks while you're answering the door for trick or treaters. Then, when January comes around, the Weight Loss Industry goes berserk with advertising to make their money off the thousands, maybe millions, of people who can't fit their clothes and don't know how they could have possibly gained 5, 10, 15, 20 pounds or more between Halloween and New Years and now how are they gonna get it off before the weather warms up and it's time to start showing some skin?

Not me, man. Even though I deviated from the script tonight, even though I had some popcorn at the movies and had some gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free brownies and cookies, I'm really confident I will get through this holiday season not only not having gained weight, but even having lost a few pounds. I'm determined to be under 160 by the 1st of the year.

Halloween is one day. Thanksgiving is one day. Christmas is one day.

There is absolutely no reason to eat myself sick this entire holiday season. There are tons of other ways to enjoy the season (including wearing fabulous holiday clothes!) than by eating rich, calorie-laden food. I'll be checking in periodically to let you guys know how it's going. I know it will go well.

Happy Halloween!

Down... but not out.

2009-10-27T10:23:00.005-04:00

So, I have been down with a fever the past couple of days, but definitely not out! I'm down a few pounds already and I'm not even a full week past my TOM. I will definitely be under 160 in time for Thanksgiving. YAY!

The showcase went really well. It was so unbelievable to be singing songs that I wrote, and to have people come up to me between sets and say, "Where can I download that song? I could so relate to the lyrics! I want to play that in my car!" At the end of the night, I actually did a call and response, teaching them the song and everyone was singing it!!

(Sorry...my producer asked me to take the video down...check me out on Facebook...I'll be posting some there soon.)

Oh! And despite the fact that I didn't get to bed till way after midnight, I did get up on Sunday and ran my 10 miles as part of my half-marathon training! Maybe that's why I got sick...but whatever...Anyway, I'll be glad to be 100% so I can get back on my half-marathon and Tony training tomorrow!

Have a great day, all!

The day has come...

2009-10-23T22:36:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow's my big showcase! Those of you who are connected with me on Facebook know what I'm talking about (and those of you who don't...hit me up!). And for those of you who aren't on Facebook, well, I'll break it down for you now.

Back in April, my business was painfully slow and I was looking for ways to fill my time. I saw the status of a friend of mine's husband said, "Looking for female vocalists..." So, I started chatting with him, only to find out he's a producer, actually produced Patti Labelle in her movie last year, "Cover." He and I started talking and working together and somewhere along the way we decided (a) he would be my producer/mentor and (b) he would help me launch my career as a solo artist.

He started pushing me to get back into songwriting, which I hadn't been doing for about 20 years. Like a muscle, it gets weak from lack of use. I did my first showcase with Tony on August 1, and was barely able to eke out one decent original song. The good news is, HE LOVED IT! That gave me the confidence to start writing more songs, and I put together a band - with a drummer and bass player I had worked with before, a keyboard player my producer recommended, and my husband on guitar! I started writing songs in the car, in the bathtub, in my office, while I was taking my daughters to school, any time, any place. What I learned was that the other way in which songwriting is like a muscle is that it can be strengthened!

I have my showcase tomorrow, the one in which I am the featured act. I have FOUR original songs (well, five, if you include our intro song, "Be You.") to perform and I love them all! I don't know how much of that is because they're mine (sort of like the way we all think our own children are the most beautiful kids on the planet). I do have to say, however, that my husband has been listening to them over and over again with headphones, and he really only does that when he really likes a song. So, maybe they really are good?

Anyhoo - after tomorrow's showcase, we'll know for sure because we are bound to get lots of good and constructive feedback. Then, it's into the recording studio to record the CD! I'll let you know when we have samples to preview (and iTunes downloads to purchase!).

I didn't really write much tonight about weight loss and fitness stuff. I guess that's because that's not really what's on my mind. Everything is actually going well in that area. I had a frustrating night, where it felt like one by one, all my closest friends were letting me know in one way or another that they had to bag out and not come tomorrow night. The stress was really making me crazy. I wanted to eat. But I didn't, and I'm proud of that fact. Tomorrow, Hubby and I have to go to a funeral in the morning. I'm very hopeful that I can somehow get a workout in at some point tomorrow. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Stay tuned, everyone. More exciting news coming soon!

TOM finally arrived!

2009-10-22T19:35:00.002-04:00

Maybe now I'll see a drop in the scale...how I long to be in the 150s!!!

So confused...

2009-10-19T22:04:00.002-04:00

...by so many things. Things like:

1. Why is my skin worse after a week of detox? No gluten, no dairy, no soy, no chocolate, no sugar of any kind, no caffeine, no citrus, no shellfish, no mushrooms? (Okay - I know...I know...it gets worse before it gets better, the toxins are being released through the skin, etc., etc...)

2. Where in the hell is my Aunt Flow? I'm not even sure I have reason to be worried other than the fact that I've been running about a 24 day cycle and I'm now on day 31. I'm sure it'll be here any day now. No question. I don't feel preggers...

3. Is anyone going to come to my showcase? I am so worried that on Saturday, we'll be all ready to perform these 5 new original tunes (that's right...original tunes...as in I WROTE THEM), and no one will show up. Crickets chirping...tumbleweeds rolling right through the living room of my producer's loft. What would my dream be? My dream would be that not only would we be performing to a PACKED house, but there would be at least five potential sponsors there, all of whom want to know only one thing at the end of the night...how much do we need to get the CD done?

4. Why am I still awake? Nuff said. I'm going to bed. Thanks for letting me air all this stuff here. Talk to you guys soon!

Love, Liimu

I'm doin' it!! I'm eliminating!!!

2009-10-15T21:40:00.002-04:00

And it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I'm really enjoying it actually! Okay, I don't yet have a "perfect" day under my belt (I realized at around 3 pm today that my beloved almond milk is full of sugar). But I have a house stocked with foods I can eat and I am really enjoying the foods I can eat! Oh, and did I mention that I manifested my secret wish to have a personal chef and hired someone to cook a month's worth of lunch and dinners? And they are SOOOO yummy!

My skin is slightly worse but thanks to the power of Google, I have reassured myself that this is simply a symptom of the toxins working their way out of my body. Yay! And I still have over a week before my show - I'm sure my skin will be clear and beautiful by next Saturday. I'm envisioning myself under 160 by then, somehow.

I'm still closely in touch with Tony. He has something up his sleeve for me, I can tell. He wants me to weigh in on Saturday and then start some intense kick-butt program, not to weigh in again until Halloween. He is determined to get me down to 130. I cannot imagine getting down that low without cutting off one of my larger limbs, but that's neither here nor there. Tony has done more with less determined people than I. If he says it can be done, it will be done.

Last night, I didn't get home from rehearsal until after midnight. I'm going to bed early. Take care, and stay focused! The only thing keeping you from your dreams is your ability to hold on to them and never let go.

Here it comes...I can feel it.

2009-10-12T20:28:00.003-04:00

OMG - can I just say, "THANK GOD FOR BLOGGER AUTOSAVE?" I just went and tried to add an image to this blog post and almost lost the whole damn thing. Not a good thing to have happen to a sickly, hormonal chick who spent the entire day with her kids and no support from hubby at all.

Is there anyone besides me who can feel their hormones changing as that time of the month draws near? I think that's what's going on, although I have to say that I also feel a chill settling in and my eyes are burning, which is making me think maybe I'm getting sick. And I am one of those people who just cannot afford to get sick. Ever. Or, at least that's how I feel. I have so much to do this week - work (I already lost one day because my middle child had to have oral surgery), workouts (already missed a workout), soliciting sponsorship, rehearsing songs for my show this weekend, my sister's show on Friday and our showcase next Saturday. Maybe I should just go to sleep now.

Anyway, I really did have a wonderful weekend. It was great to see all my family and I didn't even stuff my face (although my family made it a point to say how amazing the birthday cake was that we got for my mom...grr...almost broke my abstinence from sugar for that one). I have been sort of sloppy, eating-wise, since I got home, though I think it's partly because I'm hormonal (period due within the week) and partly because I'm getting sick and partly because I'm starting an elimination detox tomorrow that lasts a month and I'm scared sh**less and feel like I'd better get it all in now, I may never have it again. Stupid, I know.

Like I said, I need to just hit the hay. I am so tired and definitely feel like I'm running a fever. Unfortunately, I don't have the kind of life where I can just be sick for a day. I have to just suck it up and do what I have to do. :(

The long and winding road...

2009-10-08T22:15:00.003-04:00

I'm traveling this week. That's where I have been. What's good about this? I can stay up as late as I want and sleep in as late as I want. The bad news? They don't have a lot of healthy foods in this part of North Carolina, and no one else really eats like me - in fact, they drink, they consume sugar, they consume dairy. I have some support, but I feel like a HUGE BUFFALO compared to the rest of my family. I don't know why, I just do.

So....in honor of the fact that I am NOT a huge buffalo, I am going to share with you one of my recent publicity photos. I AM FAR FROM A BUFFALO!

And.... I deserve to take good care of myself, starting with closing the kitchen tonight (I had lasagna for dinner which wasn't the plan, but it was made with whole wheat pasta, ff cheese and turkey sausage, so that was good, and I had a cup only of Go Lean crunch cereal with soy milk). And I will get up and run in the morning - a good 3-4 mile run. Saturday, I want to get in my 7 mile run before everyone gets up.

Tomorrow is mom's actual birthday. I hope we can make it really special for her. She's certainly making it special for us! Love you, momma!

Feeling better

2009-10-05T11:46:00.002-04:00

Hi, everyone,

Okay, so it's only 11:46 am on Day 1 of my Restart, but I am feeling much better. A dear friend broke it DOWN for me, that if I was gonna keep playing around with sugar in ANY form, I would keep feeling like I'm swimming upstream. So, I've become willing to eliminate sugar in ALL forms, except for stevia and brown rice syrup. The interesting thing is I'm no longer doing it for my skin, to lose weight, or to please anyone. I'm doing it because sugar, in any form, makes me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually INSANE. Just for today, I would like to have peace of mind, thank you very much.

It helps, too, that Hubby has decided to start Dreambodies, and he started today. He took his workout clothes with him and is going to the gym right from work, he packed all his food, and he even kicked back his very first ACV concoction. I sure consider myself lucky to actually like the taste in water.

Otherwise, I have my 3-year old home with me today. She seems perfectly fine, but she was running a fever yesterday and I don't like to take chances. She'll be going down for a nap soon, and I SO wish I could go right down with her. I have a client meeting, though, so no luck, unless by some stroke of luck my client should cancel. I've really gotta get refocused at work, too, because I haven't had much to do for work lately, and that has suited me just fine. I do very much like the income, though, so I can't become too much of a lady of leisure!

Anyway, I'm feeling much better today - more optimistic and hopeful. Thanks for all the shouts to let me know I'm not out here alone dreading the upcoming three-month food abyss....Halloween through Christmas... (I don't really feel like it lasts till Easter because in January there's the mad wave of New Year's resolution makers, all the weight loss companies are advertising like crazy and other than Valentine's Day, which is totally a minor holiday, there really isn't anything going on UNTIL Easter, which is four months in. AND, the weather's getting warm by then, anyway, so running season is well underway.)

OK enough for now...more tomorrow!

Where the hell is everyone?

2009-10-04T20:54:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the profanity, but I am really frustrated with the lack of blog posts. Where is everyone? Where is the experience, strength and hope from you guys that I have come to rely on? Where is the humor? Where are the uplifting success stories?

I, for one, am still struggling. I have 25 pounds to lose and I want to get on it. I will be damned if I am going to be unprepared as we head into the toughest part of the year - the part of the year when we are SURROUNDED by trigger foods and swaddled in sweaters. I am going to get in a groove, a healthy groove.

I know what you may be thinking. I'm sick of hearing myself say it, too. But I know I can get myself back on track. I know I can go into 2010 lighter than I have ever been. I KNOW IT.

I could have sworn...

2009-09-28T22:13:00.004-04:00

...that I posted a day or two ago. I guess not.

I'm feeling strong again. Will someone please remind me the next time I get all down on myself to see if it's that time of the month and just give myself a break if it is? I actually had a dear friend/sponsor tell me recently that she could not believe the difference in my personality when Aunt Flow is visiting. The way she described it is that under normal circumstances, I am a person who ACTS, whereas when I'm suffering from the hormonal surge that comes with my monthly visit, I am a person who REACTS. And not very well, at that.

Today was a wacky day. I woke up determined to enjoy my daughter's third birthday, but not with food. My two older daughters were home with me, actually. I sent the baby to school because she was having a big pizza party with all her friends and I figured I would just pick her up after her nap. Well my two older girls were being SUCH a pain that by 10 am, we were all screaming at each other. I called Tony in tears, because I could feel the stress getting to me, sending me into a binge, at worst a lazy, non-gym day, at best. Fortunately, I caught myself before any of that happened, and I actually ended up working out WITH my kids (I ran 2 miles at 6 mph) and then got to the gym later after my husband came home. I didn't do perfectly well at dinner, but I didn't have any cake and I offset any damage by going to bed with a cup of tea, nothing more.

I am just so grateful to have the willingness again to post, to visualize, to meditate, to workout, to eat healthy. Just make sure when I start acting like a hormonal beast in mid-October, someone will let me know!

Memories...light the corners of my mind....

2009-09-24T21:45:00.003-04:00

I spent some time tonight re-reading some of the old posts from last year, trying to reclaim some of the fire I had this time last year. This time last year, I was on fire, completely unstoppable, totally committed to Tony's program, to his way of living.

I don't know what happened or when I lost that fire, but I am hungry for getting back to that place. I need to be hungry for that, not hungry for some stupid refined carbs. So, I'm just coming here to say that I'm still very much in the game and looking forward to seeing the 150s, and SOON.

I'll keep you all posted, of course.

If you read me...

2009-09-24T01:04:00.002-04:00

...follow me!

I'm just sayin...

Share the love...

Don't stop before the miracle happens...

2009-09-23T15:08:00.004-04:00

There is a saying in 12-step programs that sometimes people give up on recovery just days or even minutes before the miracle was going to happen for them. When a newcomer enters the room, people encourage them not to leave before their miracle happens.

The same could be said for those of us struggling to make any dream come true, whether it's me, pursuing my dreams of having my own business or having a successful career in music. And of course, the same could be said for the pursuit of good health and our dream body.

I attribute to the success I've had in any endeavor to three things:

- Having a clear vision
- Having a defined plan
- NEVER GIVING UP

I would love to say that the third piece of the puzzle for me has been following the plan, but I need to get honest and say that I am not always able to follow my plan perfectly. I know not many people can relate to falling off the wagon after having some modicum of success (HA), but I can honestly say that what is a consistent thread throughout all the success stories is that we all stay in the game, keep trying, keep plugging along. Me, I have tons of people who support me and when I'm faltering, I reach out to them like my life depends on it. And in some regards, it does. I don't ever want to go back to the way life was before I got in decent shape. I don't ever want to feel the self-loathing, insecurity, lack of confidence, physical discomfort that comes with being overweight.

What do I want? I want the joy, the sass, the bliss that comes with knowing I'm living my life EXACTLY the way I want to, and EXACTLY the way God intended. Having a buff, sexy body will be a sweet bonus. Not the end goal, just a symptom of living a healthy, happy life.

I'm holding on for my miracle. I'm not going anywhere till I get it and when I get it, I'm never letting go.

How about you?

Seriously, this time...

2009-09-20T21:13:00.003-04:00

First, I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who continue to believe in me, even when I'm not even sure I believe in myself. Melissa, Evelyne, Tea, Tony, April, Tina, Jacquie, Stacy, Chrissy, Claudia...the list goes on and on. Sorry I haven't linked to everyone's blogs and sorry if I missed calling anyone out by name. I'm tired and slipping rapidly into one of those Sunday night carb comas we're probably all familiar with.

I'm not sure what happened this weekend, but I can honestly say I'm not proud of it. I was holding on for when my husband starts up with Tony, thinking that I could just sort of ride his coattails. He now has a popped hamstring and is delayed yet another week. I'm trying to be supportive, loving and understanding of how much pain he's in, but there's also a part of me that is like, DAMN...now what? He will have another week of eating whatever and not going to the gym and I have to just suck it up and get back on the horse, with or without him.

First, I cannot afford to go days and days eating like this. Not many people are like me - but I do know this about myself - I can easily gain 10 pounds in one week, if I'm not careful. Second, I have THREE MONTHS to get this last 25 pounds off. I do NOT want to go into 2010 still struggling with this last 25-30 pounds. I want to have different goals, for once. Third, I'm truly sick and tired of hearing MYSELF say that this is it, this is when I refocus for good.

So, God willing, this will be the last time I have to say it. God willing, I will actually be graced this time with the sustainable strength and fortitude to really change my habits once and for all. I want to be a healthy person. I want to eat when I'm hungry and I want to eat food that nourishes my body, not food that I'm hoping will fill some sort of void.

I'll be posting much more regularly, letting you guys know how I'm doing, that I'm hitting the hard workouts, getting in my water, keeping my food squeaky clean. I can't wait to report that I finally broke through that barrier I've been waiting to break through and am in the 150s!

I'll check in soon.

The Biggest Loser is back...

2009-09-15T21:43:00.003-04:00

Man, I wish I had had someone this morning yelling at me like Jillian. OK, granted...I had been up working until after midnight the night before. Granted, I was really, really tired. But DANG - what the f*** is UP with me? I haven't had a decent workout in a WEEK. So WHAT I have a busy life? So WHAT I have been working 10 hour days, rehearsing and recording and trying to be a decent mother and wife? I can still get a good workout in.

It all stops here. I didn't watch the Biggest Loser last season, but I'm watching it now. There is NO excuse for me not drinking over a gallon of water a day. There is NO excuse for me not eating clean. There is NO excuse for me not getting my skinny behind in the gym and giving it my all, if these 250, 350, 450 pound girls are in there doing there thing.

Sure, they have the time allotted to do it. But you know what? I have a BLESSED life, and I can FIND the time to do it. The only thing keeping me from getting it done is what's between my ears. So, it starts NOW.

And you know what? I'm updating those goals. I'm making them AGGRESSIVE. I want to be at my final GOAL by the end of this year. It WILL happen. It starts NOW.

blog therapy

2009-09-05T19:15:00.000-04:00

Any of you who have ever driven 17 hours with your kids or tried to blog from your blackberry pearl (using the internet, not a shortcut app) get how bad I need blog therapy to be blogging now, en route to Charlotte, NC from Disney, 4 hours to go.

I literally feel like I am expanding by the hour on this trip for some reason. By this trip, I mean this CAR RIDE, not our vacation. My pants are tight, my stomach is back to looking something like it did a couple weeks after I had my kids. I feel GROSS and so disappointed in myself. I really wanted to stay on track during my vacation. And now, that moment I step on the scale to assess the damage is looming in front of me. It's making me anxious, which is making me eat even more. The moment I accept that I have to get back on track is also looming, which has me nervously eating.

There. I think that's everything. Now that I've bitched and moaned, whined and complained, I can go back to being part of my own solution. Tea's blog today was awesome. I am totally going to envision a successful day tomorrow, starting with a killer workout in the gym. My hubby is starting Dreambodies, and I told Tony I want to refocus: new pics, new measurements, new goals. I have lots of support, lots of people cheering me on and LOTS of reasons to get this DONE!
Maybe it's even time for a new blog template! Hmmm...

Stay tuned! Thanks for reading!